Words of Wisdom

"Don't let anyone make a monkey out of you."  ~ My Dad

I was down at the Neptune Festival at the ocean front today.  It's our way of celebrating that the tourist are gone.  It's a lot of fun with art and crafts for sale.  Sand sculpting competitions, music, and plenty more.  I go every year and usually pick up something.  This year I picked up a sculpted blue frog.  It really is a fancy fan chain, but I wanted it for my car under my mirror.  My friend had made me a sculpy figure years ago, but to many curios people left him amputated.  So I was finally able to find a replacement.

Anyway I was there today and I thought I saw someone I know from MySpace.  She's and attractive witty woman.  I don't ask her out because she smokes occasionally and that is one of my boundaries.  Anyway I was going to say hello when I saw that she had 2 dogs and I thought S only had one.  So my stopped and veered away.  The woman I saw was attractive and would have been happy to talk to her also.  But I didn't.  When I thought of it down the boardwalk the above words of my Dad just came to my mind.  I couldn't believe it.  It was something my Dad had said many times in my life.  It was his words of wisdom to me, but I always brushed it off.  Come to find out that it had burrowed deep into my psyche.  This happens a lot in new situations as well as with woman.  Not to be foolish I will avoid the a situation which I don't like.  However reflexively I still do it.  Well awareness is the first step so we shall see.

Knock me Over with a Feather

Got a letter from my ex today.  Always a gut tightening event.  I was pleasantly surprised that it was a nice letter.  I guess all my pushing that it is all about our son has worked.  Nah just a good day for her.  My friend even joked when we were getting back together again.  Hell no!  LMAO!

It said Eric was doing well in school naturally, but was surprised at how much work their was to be done.  I guess play time in school is over.  LOL.  Speech, counseling, soccer, and religion classes are doing well.  So it was nice to hear in a pleasant way.  Not holding my breath for another one.

Sh*t

Got my letter from the City clerks office today.  I thought it would say come down and make your appointment for your divorce.  WRONG!  It was a rejection letter.  I had made mistakes with forms.  Part of their letter was get an attorney the other was where to go for information.  Frustrated since getting my ex to sign ANYTHING is a colossal job.  Part of me wants to give up and get an attorney to finish it up, but I have done so much and like my friend said your in the home stretch.  So I will investigate what I need to correct then decide if I can do this by myself or not. 

Wow only one person

After almost 40 years I still wait for the confusion when I say I have an older brother named Mike.  I remember my ex saying she freaked when she heard me say that on our first date cause then she though she didn't know my name.  LOL.  I am surprised only one person said anything about it.

My 2 older brothers have a different father than I and the joke in the family is that if my Mom only knew 2 names and if she had another son she would name him Frank.  I was named in the Italian fashion after my grandfather.  Just another point of insanity of my youth.  When you grow up that way you're just use to it.

If you have no idea what I am talking about it was something I mentioned in my other journal.

Time Out

Well it is taking me a while to wind back up after fully relaxing yesterday.  One thing I did notice yesterday is that I need to start my count from when I throw the towel in with a person.  Not our last conversation.  I've probably talked about this before, but since I didn't learn here I am again.  I was counting from Wednesday with Colleen, but since I made the cut off date Friday that is when I have to start my count.  When I start to date someone I set up a space for them somewhere inside of me and when it doesn't work out I have to take time to break it back down again.  Maybe it's mourning and going through the full range of emotions that I never use to do.  However I do know that without this time I start to NEED to have this place filled instead of a healthier want.  I caught myself getting all wound up last night with wanting to find someone.  It's a place I don't need to go since it quickly destroys my happiness.

Brutal Sundays

Sunday is my day in which I don't work, go to the gym, or see my Mom.  It's a day of pure indulgence and relaxation.  Let me tell you 4 hours after I get up I'm ready to drop.  LOL.  It was too windy to go to the beach today even though it was nice and hot, but I didn't want to get sand blasted.

So I continued writing over at Starbucks and did some shopping through the surrounding shopping centers.  There is a Petsmart near Starbucks that I decided to go in and browse.  The place had a nice smell.  If you have or had pets you know what I mean.  Food, litter, etc. all combine to make a nice aroma for the senses.  I miss having a pet. 

I got to see one woman's face in Michaels with the 'oh no I'm away from the herd' look.  We almost ran into each other.  She was attractive, but looked so nervous that I figured it wasn't worth it. LOL.

Relaxing

As usual my friend Paul and I talk every day as we have for the last 5 years except for a handful of days.  I didn't have much to report today.  Colleen never re-contacted me so I wrote that off.   I was happy for the two dates and learned more about what I want and don't want.

The rest was that I'm happy. I'm happy with my career as well as my part time job.  My friends which you are all a part of, my home, etc.  The only thing I need a boost in is money.  Although if I had enough to cover everything I don't know if I could handle all that happiness.   I may joke about that, but I always look at that just to make sure I am not sabotaging myself from success. 

I finally finished my short story today and in a few days I will re-edit it.  When I started it last week I was just doing it to have an outlet for some extra creativity, but then I figured I would try to get it published.  Funny though most fantasy companies don't want short stories only books.  It's funny how times change.  Years ago they would only take short stories.  Oh well.  Guess I will have to keep cranking stuff out and see how it goes.  Not a super desire to be published, but it would be a nice dream come true.