A Family Affair

I've only talked to my SIL 3 times and I am already very tired of it.  In a way it is a good thing.  Any inkling that I had that keeping contact with them might have been a good thing has truly been squashed.  The guilt, the one upmanship, etc.  I can take it.  I have to admit this is pretty much 80% of my anxiety with all of this.  Dealing with them. 

My brother who I haven't talked to in about 8 years is older than me by 14 years (we had different dads).  So he was always more a father figure than brother.  I gave him too much power growing up and he abused it.  So I still get a sharp pang of fear when they call.  It doesn't last for which I am grateful, but I hate the Pavlovian response. 

Mental Constipation

I've been waking up early all week which usually means my mind is still working on things while I am sleeping.  So I know I am not getting enough out during the day.  Whether it is more sharing on this whole family event or just that some thing is bothering me and I haven't fully uncovered it?  I don't know.  But I hate these times.  It slowly drains me with an hour or two loss of sleep a night. 

One Day

One day I will open a box and find all the spackle and putty knives I have bought over the years.  Since every time I move I seem to be buying a more and I can never find them when I move again. 

Realized this morning why I have been pissed at my SIL for the last few days.  I hang out with different people now a days.  Unsolicited advice is usually not given and if you scratch me I am a rebel underneath.  So being told what I NEED to do really pisses me off.  I don't have to do jack.  I'll review the situation then make a decision. 

Tuesday Night

I can't remember the exact words, but I once read that men change the world by the strength of their arms while woman do it with their cunning.  This has been playing in my head for the last few days.  Also my bad habit of being attracted to sly manipulative women.  Enter my Mom.  She called me tonight to see how things were going and we talked for about 15 minutes.  She was very lucid and memory was good except for the days she was in the hospital, but that is normal for most people.  I could see that she is playing this up in the hopes of moving back north since she is extremely unhappy in FL.  I agree that she needs help in things like house cleaning and driving, but everything else she seems okay to me.  I know my Mom I know what she is capable of.  I learned from the best.  I know how to be a coyote and chew my arm right off if need be.  I could see under the veil when she got angry that my brother and SIL where angry that my Mom had bought me my car on her own since my old one was dying and I couldn't afford another.  We know that my SIL family is very well off and have given them BMWs and such.  Now I remember why I like the buffer zone with my family and seeing them infrequently or not at all is so appealing to me.  I will see how this plays out.

Resumes

One of my friends is getting out of the marines and is looking for a job.  He just made his resume.  In helping I found this and I figured I would share.

These are from actual resumes:

"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

RESUME BLOOPERS

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

"Donating blood. 14 gallons sofar."

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."

When in Doubt

When in doubt road trip.  Actually I just ran some errand, but the weather is great outside.  I got to drive with the window down and crank some kicking music.  It was a slice of paradise.  It reminded me to always be good to myself.  It balanced me out from all the crap going on.  Something I need right now.  Feelings aren't facts just feelings.  They don't always accurately reflect how reality is.  So some fresh air, the wonders of nature, and of course some good tunes to balance the scales out.

Oh Yeah

Oh yeah you ladies probably want to know how the phone call went last night.  Whoops.  Actually I got her answering machine.  She emailed me back apologizing that she had to work late for a project I knew she was doing.  No biggie.  I will try again tomorrow night.

The other woman that agreed to go out just started school again so she will be a while.  I guess from fruit loops to busy woman.  At least I am making the rounds.

Ooooo.  Yoga soreness is setting in from this mornings class.  It was a good class except when I had to go chase my left nut as it rolled across the floor from blond and perky wanting us to do a split then grab our both of our big toes at the same time.  However I did catch her checking me out when I was leaving.  I got a chance to smile back, but I was late for a patient.  Next week she is gone so this may be like a Stalin 5 year plan.

Tuesday

Okay I don't feel like dealing with all this stuff.  In actuality it is my brother and family.  I stopped interacting with him about 8 years ago and have been happy ever since.  No regrets.  Now I am back in it with my family.  Well actually my SIL since my bro doesn't want to talk to me.  I was pissed yesterday when he put himself on our Mom's bank account this far in the game.  However as my friend pointed out if he wants to do the work let him, which was words of wisdom. 

I thought more on last night of where we should move our Mom to.  Originally I was thinking VA since it would be cheaper, but it was my usual thinking.  My hand hurts cut the arm off.  Thinking with out realizing all the consequences.  I think my Mom would be better in NJ with my brother.  Her friends are closer and could travel to see her.  I could add a extra day to my trips to see my son to see her also.  If she is down here there is only me and I don't think that would be good for her mental health. 

Grateful to be working this all right.  It was nice to go over my gratitude list for the day before bed last night and have it so out weigh the crap going on.  So glad to do that because just feeling wise if feels completely the other way. 

Thanks Friends

I just want to take a moment and thank you all my friends for all the kind words, prayers, support and your wisdom.  I am truly grateful for it all.  Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Politically Correct

I borrowed this from my friend Redsonya.  My favorite is the men's #2.

Due to the climax of political correctness now
pervading America,

HOW TO SPEAK TO A WOMAN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a
"BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY
ACCESSIBLE."

3 . She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a
"LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION
SUPERHIGHWAY."

4 . She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a
"PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

5 . She is not an "AIR HEAD" - She is "REALITY
IMPAIRED."

6 . She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets
"CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

7 . She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY
REPETITIVE."

8 . She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY
EXTROVERTED."

9 . She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She
is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

1 0 . She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a
"LOW COST PROVIDER."

-------------------------------------------------------

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has
developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY
CAUCASIAN."

3 He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He
"INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE
REGRESSION"

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers
"GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He
becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He
develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8 He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has
"SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is
"RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

1 0 . It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of
his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"

Phone Calls

I know it is the day and my attitude is not that great, but why do my colleagues keep calling me to go into practice with them?  The answer is NO!  Tired of working with others.  Tired of the BS.  I know I should take these as compliments, but I just don't want to be bothered.

Well a woman gave me her phone number the other day to call her.  This was after I asked her out and she was busy.  So I haven't called her yet.  I did email her telling her I had a family emergency going on and I would call her tonight.  However I am nervous about it.  I always am on the phone. I feel much better in person.  I guess I feel I have more to offer in person.  That on the phone it is just my voice and I guess after enough years of jibes from my ex about my talking I am insecure about it.  I know if I think about it I have talked to many people on the phone for the first time and it has gone okay.  So just trying to let go of the hang up.

Musings

Talking to a friend last night about sharing with spouses.  She had revealed something she felt guilty about.  It went over well and they were closer for it.  Then she asked me would I have done the same thing.  I answered "no".  Then I had to think about it.  I am very open with everyone so why did I say "no"?  Looking at it I remember I was trained in my marriage not to share.  Enough times of getting a knife in the heart will do that to you.  I remember last year when I was dating a woman.  It was hard to open up those deep things, but I knew it was unfair of me.  I did open up and it was great.  Like I always dreamed it would be.  So I need to keep this memory instead of the bad ones on how to act in the future.

Talking to one of my friends to day that has dealt with a lot of these parent issues that I am going through.  I was thinking that VA would be cheaper than NJ for a assisted living place.  However my friend was quick to point out that I am just getting my life and business on tract.  Would I still be able to do that if I had to take care of my Mom?  It was a good point and I knew I was just trying to solve the problem without looking at the full spectrum.  The other thing that has clicked was that for the last 27 years since my brother moved out of the house our Mom has been my responsibility.  I was there or closer in proximity.  So I am trying to balance everything taking care of her while taking care of myself.

Monday

Well I got another call from my SIL today.  The safety net that I thought my Mom had set up for just such a situation isn't there.  She has also been spending a lot on her place.  So I'm trying to find out how much she has left.  My SIL says not much, but I can't trust what anyone says.  What keeps frustrating me with my SIL is this WE need to make some decisions.  However I feel like it's the end of dinner out and I'm getting slipped the bill. 

The other big problem is my Mom.  She is mentally deteriorating, but she is also playing it up.  We can't tell where she is.  If she is really bad we can't put her in assisted living.  So it's just frustrating. 

Thanks to everyone for the great comments and prayers.

Well Finally

Well I finally got to talk to my sister in law tonight to get some answers on how things are going with my Mom.  In a normal family this would have happen straight away, but we like to do things a little different.  My Mom called me and I was happy to hear her sound better than yesterday.  She says she is having a hard time remembering things.  So something must have happened since October when we had her checked for Alzheimers.  So getting very little information from my Mom.  My brother and family are sitting there also.  So after a while of shooting the breeze with my Mom my sister in law finally gets on.  So she is whispering to me like this is a government secret.  Someone always has to be in the dark in my family.  Never fails.  Anyway physically my Mom is okay, but her memory is deteriorating.  She is able to take care of herself, but household stuff, driving, etc.  Will need to have someone else do it.  My brother got a person to come clean the house once a week now.  They will talk more to the doctor tomorrow to see what is going on and see what kind of living arrangement we need for her.  Sad to hear this happening to my Mom, but as always knowing what's going on is so much easier for me to deal with.  It's the not knowing that kills me.  So there is some stress here, but I am dealing with it and that is all I can do.

Starbuck Sunday

Family matters kind of interrupted me yesterday with my writing at Starbucks.  So today was more productive.  A tall soy chai latte without water, my laptop, and a quite corner and I was able to write.  My perfectionism tried to edge its way in, but I was able to let it go and was able to finish off a chapter that I was happy with.  Hopefully I can make it a habit.

Sunday

"Today, help me start practicing self-care with family members.  Help me know that I do not have to allow their issues to control my life, my day, or my feelings.  Help me know it’s okay to have all my feelings about family members, without guilt or shame." ~ Beattie

 

This is one of my daily affirmations and is a big one today.  My Uncle is demanding that I come down to see my Mom.  My brother is already there and I don't see the reason to have anymore cooks in the kitchen.  Especially since I don't have the ability to go down at present.  I done a lot for my Mom over my life and I am comfortable where I stand.  I learned that with my grandmother.   I brought her flowers when she was alive not when she was dead.  So after she passed I was comfortable with myself.  Since I know any anxiety that I feel is my own and no one else's.  So we will see what happens.  I'm not 100%, but I am not curled up in the corner mewing in angst either.

Finally Some Answers

Well I called my Uncle back about the letter my Mom said she had wrote.  My Mom feels she is losing her mind.  She found it very hard to remember anything when she got back from the hospital.  My Mom being the practical person she is wrote a note of everything she wants everyone to do and her thank you's.  Like she said in the letter just in case I don't have my mind.  Glad to have called when I didn't want to.  Now I know why he is worried.  He thinks she is suicidal.  I know she is just being practical.  Since I won't remember to tell you what to do I figured I would make a list.  LOL. That's my Mom. So I will wait to hear from my brother and go from there.

I Don't Know What to Think

My Uncle finally called me tonight to tell me about my Mom.  He wasn't fully helpful though since getting information out of him was like pulling teeth.  I finally got out of him that my Mom wasn't doing well mentally or physically.  Although I could see the mental part she just got out of the hospital Thursday so I didn't get the physical part.  No this is what the doctor says.  So I feel myself floating in limbo.

Next Hurdle Part 2

I don't want to feel right now or I just want comfort to make it better.  The old me.  Grateful that I am not doing anything with the feelings, but I still don't like it.  Not trying to solve the problem since I don't know what is going on yet.  So pretty much it is the waiting game that I LOVE SO MUCH.  LOL. 

The only actions I have taken have been to share this with my friends so that I can deal with it all.  Also I called my ex and left a message with what is going on.  So our son doesn't call her at the moment.  He doesn't need to hear his grandmother right now.

Okay I am feeling like I am starting to ramble so I will go for now.

Next Hurdle

“Hi Mom, happy to be home?”

 

“Did Aunt Marie tell you I lost my mind?”

 

“What Mom?”

 

“I lost my mind Michael.”

 

I don’t know really where to go with this conversation with my Mom.  Glad that my brother was scheduled to go visit her tomorrow.  She is hopeful he will take her back north with him.  I’m not quite sure what is going on?  Did something happen while her blood pressure was high, her stay in the hospital, or just gamma rays from the moon? 

 

So I am here just dealing with the feelings of it all.  Not quite sure what to do.  Guess that is a guy thing.  Need to do something instead of just feel.  Well sharing it around so I don’t get swamped in it all.

Creativity

I always need to be creative.  If I am not I get very stressed.  I guess I just need an outlet for the stuff.  The funny thing is that with my passions of drawing and writing my perfectionism usually makes me stop as soon as I start.  For some reason it doesn't affect my painting as much.  I don't know why.  So I usually try to be creative in all the other aspects of my life and that helps.  However the more important stuff still calls me.  So again I have picked up the writing fever.  It has been a workout of my patience.  Trying to get through my thick skull it's not going to be perfect right out of my mind.  Like a 3 year old.  I want it the way I want it! LOL. Well it is suppose to be a rainy cold weekend here and I am low on funds.  So hey its a writing weekend.  We'll see how it goes.

Friday

The last business landlord I had, while the relationship went bad, taught me some good things about debt and how to handle them.  I can't believe I keep forgetting about important information that I need to use.  One piece of information is that if you owe money if you agree in writing to a payment plan (the minimum I think is $15/month legally) and keep to it.  It stops them from taking legal action.  I usually pay $25 and it has helped me until I have had money to pay things off fully.  This little piece of info I remembered this week even though I use the technique with another outstanding bill.  I would like to say it is early Alzheimers, but I know it is denial at not wanting to deal with some things.

My fruit loop from last week contacted me again.  From just talking one day she now misses talking to me.  Boy am I glad I ran when I did.  LOL.  I asked out two other women that I liked and both agreed, but both are busy this weekend and I know I am busy next weekend with the move.  So at sometime in the future I hope to go out with them for coffee.

4 Guys & a Girl

Having done valet in a building that has 23 floors for a year and half I know many people.  Many funny stories are exchanged each night.  Tonight's was very funny and surprising (not really I guess).

So it is my partner and me, a security guard, and the UPS guy.  We are talking to one of the bank tellers as she tells us this guy she gave her phone number to 3 months ago is still calling her.  She doesn't understand why he still calls when she doesn't return his phone calls.  She wonders why he doesn't take a hint. 

LMAO.  I told her we are guys.  We don't get hints (at this point the guys are crying with laughter). Obviously this guy is obsessed.  The guy consensus was just tell him the next time he calls that you don't want to go out with him and to stop calling.  LOL.  She looked at us like we had lobster claws coming out of our ears. 

I know from my experiences over the years that many women are VERY reluctant to say they don't want to go out with you.  Just so you know I am a 2 phone call guy.  After that adios.  Tell you I've taken my share of rejection over the years, but rarely is it direct.  I'm okay with rejection.  It's that not knowing that is maddening.  Do women think that they are so powerful that a rejection will destroy a guy or is it being too chicken to be direct and honest?  A guy's question.

CD's & Albums

Just so everyone knows there is a new Foamy Cartoon out today.  The topic is CD's.  It was very funny as usual and I had to agree with his points.  LOL.  The biggest is the stickers they have on the side of the CD's which if you remove them wrong collect all kinds of crap.  I have perfected taking them off by slicing the top and pulling downwards.  Actually know a days my cases sit in a box somewhere.  I keep the book and CD in a binder to save room.  Wow what a space saver.  So happy to have seen it in a catalog one day.

However I do miss all my albums that I got rid of a few years ago.  Again it was logistics which made me get rid of them.  Just too much of a pain to keep moving around 1000's of albums.  However I do find myself lately searching the thrift store bins for albums these days.  Not to play, but to decorate.  There were some really classic covers that I would love to frame on put on the wall.  Now I just need to find them.  It's weird to see so much that I use to have and had been part of my life for so long.  Now to feel the mild pain of loss or longing.  I'm not quite sure which.

Can't Believe It

One of the things that still amaze me at valet is that people have no clue what their vehicle looks like.  You think after they pay at least $25,000 they would know what it looks like.  "Yes this is your car and I am freezing standing out here next to it."

Taxes Done

Well finally got the call from my book keeper that my taxes were done.  I always worry that I will owe.  However my yearly mission was accomplished, which is to get enough back to pay my book keeper and that is about it.  I know I can use the money better then the government can all year round. 

I still have the fear from my early married days and talking to our accountant.  "Oh you made to much money this year."  What?! Isn't that what I am suppose to be doing.  The best was "if you were living in sin (not married) you'd be in a better position."  There went the American dream out the window.

Happy not to hear those anymore. Well sort of. 

Help

I took care of myself growing up and I never learned to ask for help since there was no one around to give it.  Over the last several years I have learned to ask for what I need.  I have been very grateful to have people around me now that have stepped up to the plate to help me.  The last bastion of not asking for help is my business.  I know everyone tells me this, I read this, every marketing person pushes it.  Ask your patients for referrals.  I have never really done it since I feel like I am coming from such a place of less than.  So today I finally pushed through the envelope an asked.  I announced to everyone that I was moving the practice across the hall to a bigger office.  I told them my dream of how I wanted to see so many patients and then I asked for their help if they knew anyone to that needed my services.  We will see what happens.  Feeling uncomfortable, but I know it is from doing something for the first time.

Tiresome

Okay I'm going on 50 minutes here unable to send out emails.  Very tiresome and frustrating.  My waiting to email box is growing as I keep wanting to respond to people and I get the unable to send sign. 

Yoga & Snow

Well I had my first yoga class in about 8 months.  Yowch!  I hate the soreness that goes with just starting out again.  The class was good.  However our blond 20 something perky instructor became a sadistic bitch with her "honor your bodies"  with the really hard moves.  LOL.  I have better ways to honor my body than feeling the burn.  However I will be back there next Tuesday morning.  Does that make me a masochist?

Loving the first full day of spring.  It's raining and in the 30's and we're suppose to have snow tonight.  God I hate hate working in the wet weather.  Hopefully it will slow down while I am outside tonight.

Like many of you suggested.  My son said it had been to cold for him to ride his bike outside.  So thank you for the comments.

Color Blind 3

Colorblind individuals should see nothing. Color normal individuals should see a "faint" brown boat.

LMAO.  I hate these dots.  I can't see sh*t.  Talking to many other color blind people today.  Actually they are all men and I know why that is.  However looking through some of the sites I was shown I found this picture in how a color blind person sees the world.

Protanomaly - shades of red appear weaker in depth and brightness

Deuteranomaly - shades of green appear weaker

Tritanomaly - very rare case where shades of blue appear weaker

Viewing the World with Color Blindness

Normal View


Protanope


Deuteranope


Tritanope

Color Blind 2

Since people have been asking Pumpkin is orange to me. LOL. I see color, but do have a hard time telling when things clash. I stick to the basics in clothes matching. Every once in a while I will ask someone what goes together then store the information for later. My son tried to teach me colors one day, by asking me what the color of everything was. Funny, but tiring after a while.

Does Size Matter?

Okay I'm going to use you all as a marketing group.  Does size matter in a mailed advertisement?  Does it matter if it is a full size piece of paper in your mailbox or smaller sized like a Valpac or one of those other mailers.  Let me know what you think?

Color Blind

In real life I am slightly color blind.  Since I can see color this confuses many people.  I just can't pass the color blindness test.  So I was told early in life don't be a paint mixer as a career choice.  However as a guy I have to say that guys in general can only see 16 colors like the Windows default settings.  Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.  I love when I am talking to my women friends and they throw a name out for a color and they are looking at me like I should know it.  I have no idea what mauve is.

Mid Life for Women

Been a while since I did lunch time funnies.  So here is one.

Midlife for Women

Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

Midlife women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.

Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.

Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat!

Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!"

Midlife is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar.

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old that you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and know it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film.

Midlife brings the wisdom that "life throws you curves" and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"

Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.

The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

You know you've crossed the midlife threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

Midlife is when your 1970's Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).

Midlife is when you start to repeat yourself and your chins follow suit.

You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the "big" questions: what is life, why am I here and how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice.

Fathering

They gym over the weekend is a sad place for me.  It's in the locker room that it occurs.  The sound of children can be heard all over.  The sounds of excitement, sounds of laughter, of fun, of curiosity, of just children.   Just miss it in my day to day life.

My son has not ridden his bike since I gave it to him.  I have asked him each week if he has, but he has answered no.  Through all that has gone on I hate to do things that make him uncomfortable or maybe it's just me.  However I would like to know his reasons.  So I will ask tonight.  If he doesn't want to answer that will be okay, but I can't shy away from my questions.

24

Well it's been a good twenty four hours with a few bumps in the road.  The bumps being one of the members at the club last night while I was valeting thought I was treating him differently because he was black.  So he took it a s a racial insult and it was a problem for a while.  Besides that it was a busy night.  Not use to it since it has been a while.   The other bump was less volatile, but a pain non the less. I stopped at Starbucks today to enjoy and drink and read my book.  What I got was a ex navy guy who thought I was military and chewed my ear off about current events.  I didn't mind it initially, but after a while it was like I want to read my book.  He kept engaging me.  He finally stopped when he realized I wasn't military.  Go figure.

The rest of the day has been relaxing.  I was able to sign up for yoga classes at the gym which I am looking forward to.  It fits my schedule and I don't have to drag my ass down to the beach to my old yoga place.  I'm happy to drag my ass down to the beach to go to the beach, but yoga class not really.  Also the price is only 30 sessions for $18 compared to $10 a class at the old place.  Couldn't pass that up. 

Anyhow I did drag my ass down to the beach and enjoyed a walk along the water.  Since it was 30 degrees cooler than it was last weekend it was easy to do that.  Boy what a difference the few hundred feet of sand makes.  That nice briny smell.  I followed that up with a stop over at the bookstore to browse and read.  Since it was still early afterwards I went over to the Bay to enjoy the different scenery of the water and finish my book off.  I'll have to bring my camera next time to take pictures for you all to see.

Next on the Line Please

Okay I seem to be in the phase of picking women who are just flirts and like to be chased, but have no intention of going out.  I've moved pass the sick/victims and the laid back ones.  How I ended up with this group is anyone's guess.  I guess comedic women aren't the way to go?  I don't know.  Have to sort through this.  As you can tell I have asked someone out.  I am back peddling now cause I think she is just weird.  I asked her out for coffee.  She stated she was nervous about going out.  I was okay with that.  Then she came back with the sort of joke she would go out if she could wear a negligee.  That's when I hear "DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!" in the back of my head.  I don't know why?  LMAO.  Oh well time to mosey on some place else.

Excited

Well I am very excited.  Measure the new place and it works so I decided to do it.  So at the end of the month we will switch offices.  It's funny since I moved in here I have dreamed of having that space and now to have it feels great.  Happy I don't need many things for the new place.  I can upgrade furniture later on.  We decided to just change the suite letters so as not to have to change our mailing addresses.  That was a big worry for me.  Changing the addresses with all the insurance companies always sucks.  I just hope the phone company can connect a line before the end of the month so that I can take credit cards still.

Business Decisions Part 2

                 

Well I will look at the place again later.  If my stuff fits into the rooms I will make the move.  One thing I am finding out with my patients is that they don't know all I can do for them.  Even though all the stuff is in the room.  They have no time to read and exam everything which is costing me money.  I had a new patient this morning which reminded me of many of my patients saying I didn't know you could help me with that.  Also as always I need something on my ass to keep me moving. So wish me luck.

Business Decisions

In my mind I would like to get a bigger office when I get busier.  Well this morning the massage therapist across the hall was looking to move.  I like her place.  I've actaully had it in the back of my mind as a place to grab is she moved out.  It has 2 more rooms them mine.  So I would get a reception area and and extra treatment room.  The extra room I don't need now, but it would be a great room to live in now.  Instead of me using my treatment room like I do now.  It would double my rent.  That is my concern.  I choose this route to use the extra monthly money to pay off bills that have swamped me.  I don't like doing things that don't make me money.  However some creature comforts and a more professional looking place worth it?  I don't know.  Well I don't have to make a decision today.

In the Begining

Okay I stole this from a new friend.  It was so funny I had to share.

IN THE BEGINNING.........

In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth and populated the
Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables
of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man
said, "Yes!" and the Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island
Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman
unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried
steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his
cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and
said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it"Devil's
Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those
extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before
the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with
nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And
super size them!" And Satan said, "It's good." And Man went into cardiac
arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs.

Thought for the day ....... There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040,
there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections
and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Heart Attack

Got a heart attack today when I opened my mialbox and there is a letter from the FBI.  I quickly remembered I had requested information on their citzens program a while ago.  Opening it I found out that was what it was.  Whew.

Getting better at noticing if I am being checked out.  Thank you my friends.  It's a good feeling and I am enjoying it.  Oh well it's a slow day so I will say ta ta for now.

Old Tapes

Relationships always get old tapes playing in my head.  When working through things in my head today I was struck that I am trying to make friends in the area, but not making much of an attempt to meet.  So what's that all about?  The train of thought was that the last time I was doing this I was dating which always brings up my irrational fear that I will get into a relationship that I can't get out of.  That's how life was a long time ago, but I not anymore.  However the irrational fear stays. 

Talking to my best friend Paul today.  He was able to point out that I do it very well.  He even pointed out one that I did this once while naked.  Don't remember that instance, but it has been a long strange trip. 

So I find myself trying to get in synch with my psyche I guess.  Reality and my imagined self for lack of a better description.  Maybe I will get back into it?  However in my minds eye I see myself suiting up for it like I am going into the arena to fight.  Again old stuff.  This should be pleasurable if not I am doing something wrong.

Praying

I found this picture and it was so cute I had to share it.

Thanks

I want to thank everyone for all their comments.  It helped a lot.  I have noticed this about me in the past.  I am usually more focused on looking instead of seeing who's looking at me.  It would make things easier, but I guess I like to do things the hard way.

Choices & Bad Relationships

Ran into my old office manager like I do about once a month.  We caught up on our lives and she gave me a kiss on the cheek on the way out.  I am always attracted to her, but I know it's in bad way.  She is such a troubled person and always needs help.  So any advice I give her she appreciates so much.  There it is.  That right there makes me FEEL SO GOOD.  Here it is a sick set up for me to feel good instead of working on myself to feel good.  It's my age old trap that I have stepped in so many times in my life.  Grabbing people who need help so I can help them so that they will like me.  So life is again giving me enough rope to either learn something and move on or hang myself like usual.  Glad I talked it out so hopefully I can move on.

Oh .... Kay Follow Up

Reading everyone's comments reminds me of an old Cathy comic about 15-18 years ago.

Kathy's boyfriend is looking at a woman.  "Will you look at that woman."

Cathy and friends come over.  "Women look too."

"We compare"

"We oggle."

Kathy's boyfriend freaks and runs off.

The girls just stand there. "Will you look at that woman?!"

LOL.  I know it is a defect in my thinking, but it is always a hard concept for me.  I don't know why.

Oh ..... Kay

I forget some times that I am not the only one with a net out there.  Leaving the gym this morning I realized I was being checked out.  I forget this happens.  I don't know because I'm a guy and I think I am the hunter, wrapped up too much in my stuff, or how life use to be a long time ago.  Probably a combination of all three.  Don't know where I am going with this.

Sunday

Whew!  What happened?  It was hot today.  Somewhere in the 80's.  Seems we jumped in to the hot weather already.  So today became recreation day.  The usual trip to the gym was followed up with some hiking at False State park.  I've been wanting to go for the last few weeks, but the weather hadn't permitted it.  It was nice, quiet, and the bugs hadn't gotten out yet, which was good.  Since I didn't walk by the water, but headed inland through the boggy areas.  When I had realized what I had done I was very grateful not to be eaten alive.  It was a good couple of miles, but boy was I hot by the time I finished.  So since I was down there anyway I decided to stop by the beach.

During the winter months you can pretty much lie in the streets and not have to worry about being hit by a car, but in the summer it is gridlock.  Well it wasn't too far from that today.  It was more crowded then yesterday, but still very pleasant.  I got a good laugh from two different dogs.  One dog's owner had dressed their dog in a hula outfit with the grass skirt and shell bra.  It was very cute.  The dog was probably mortified though.  The other was a woman trying to teach her dog to fetch a ball.  The dog could care less about the ball.  He just wanted to see everything else. 

Well just finished some laundry.  I will finish reading my mail then I think I watch Constantine.

How Did This Happen

I started this whole mid life crisis thing as a lark, but last night I realized I am going to be 40 this year.  Wow how did that happen?  Not that I am dreading it.  Nor am I bawling like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally.  So I ponder what the milestone will be this time around to mark the occasion?  When I was ending my teens it was voting, drinking, and I don't remember.  I didn't drink so that didn't leave much.  When I was ending my twenties it was like crap, all the girls in Playboy are younger than me.  So what marks this new age in my life?  I am no longer married.  Starting a new business.  New city.  It's weird I didn't ever have a visualization of my future, but I guess I thought I would be settling more into my life than starting one.  Kind of feeling like a jockey whoe horse feel asleep at the gate.  Now half the race is over and I'm just getting out of the gate.  The lazy part of me says, "crap!"  However the rest of me likes a challenge and working on something.  Hate to just sit around.  So I guess I am where I am suppose to be then.

The Beach

It is finally nice on the weekend.  Woohoo!  So off to the beach I went after the gym.  Ah was it nice.  Still off season so parking is free.  There was a nice crowd down there.  Many people were in bathing suits, but I didn't see anyone go in the water. It was nice to relax and just soak it all in.  The sights, sounds, and the smells.  Ready for a nap now.  LOL.  It was funny I was talking to someone yesterday who asked why did I move down here.  One of my reasons was that I wanted to be close to the water.  He had laughed saying I grew up on an island and I wanted to move to be closer to the water.  He had misunderstood  what I had said, but it was funny none the less.  However I know I could never be landlocked and far away from the water.  It always puts life in perspective for me.

Daily Jokes

My daily joke email ring is still going.  For some strange reason people seem to keep disappearing from my addresses.  If you stop getting it all of a sudden let me know.

Man This Sucks

I was so exhausted today.  I even fumbled my words with a patient.  So I figured I would go to bed early and catch up on some sleep.  While I was falling off to sleep soemthing fell off the shelf.  Needless to say I am still awake hours later.  Man this sucks.

Man This Sucks

I was exhausted all day.  I was even fumbling my words with a patient today.  So I figured I would go to bed early and catch up on some sleep.  Well as I am laying in bed something fell off the shelf.  Needless to say I am still up hours later.  Man this sucks. 

Spreading the Word

Worked the Senior Health Fair today.  It is funny I used to be so afraid of old people when I was young now I enjoy so much talking to them.  I love these fairs, never get many patients from them, but talking to people about their health concerns gives me so much pleasure.  I feel like an old country doctor shooting the breeze with people.

I of course have to go through my stuff.  Feeling less than if any other chiropractor is there.  I don't know why I usually have very high traffic at my table, but I have to go through the feelings.  Also fight the feelings fo wanting to help everyone with stuff so they will like me.  Again it's all crap and most things didn't even need my help.  So it was a fun time.  Hate getting up early for these things though.  Very tired tonight.  Think I will try to get to bed early.

SPAM ... SPAM ... SPAM...

I can't believe it.  I finally am SPAM free.  After about a month I have gotten rid of all my SPAM.  What a joyous freedom to open my email box and to have it 100% pure mail for me.

Maybe I Should Have Planned Better

Okay I am sitting here thinking about my mid life crisis and my decision to use myspace.  I got a newer car a few months ago so buying another would be moot.  I'm no longer married so having an affair isn't happening.  So I am at a loss. Maybe I should have planned better for this. 

They really should have class in school for this.  They take the boys aside to show them sex ed films.  They should take us aside and tell us how to plan for a mid life crisis.  I mean you only get one (I think) and I would like to get it right.  Hell I don't even no what one is so I am truly in the dark. 

Not a good idea

Well I found out last night I have not fully navigated my new place.  I found this out on the way to the bathroom last night in the dark.  OUCH!  Damn I thought I had another step before I hit the wall.  Oh well.

Sorry to say my well is dry of something ingenious to say.  Hopefully later.

Mid Life Crisis

Well for my mid life crisis I have joined MySpace.com.  LOL.  Actually I joined to meet some people in the area and network business wise.  Actually the business info I've gotten has been very helpful.  If you would like to stop by and say "hi" I'm here:  http://www.myspace.com/mikev009

 

YES

From the comments I am getting I figured I add this entry.  Yes this is a great thing.  I wish we could have worked it out, but too many years of trying and getting abuse thrown back in my face has shown me that it is not going to.  So how about a WOOHOO!

OMG

After 9 months of waiting my ex has finally agreed to sign the divorce papers.  OMG everything was decided before she got the papers.  I would hate to have to think how long it would of took if they weren't.

Tuesday Night

Well let us see if third time is the charm.

Finally saw my book keeper to have my taxes done.  One thing that I can't believe I did make some money this year.  It wasn't much, but where did it go?  If I think about it it is the double life that I have.  Business and personal.  Doubles a lot of my bills.

Reading one of my daily readers today and the topic is independence.  It made me think back.  When I was in my twenties I though I could stop my aging process by pure will alone.  Hey I was nuts.  LOL. However it follows how I grew up.  I self taught myself most things in life.  Blowing my nose, bike riding, playing guitar, etc.  My thought process was that if I didn't take care of it I was dead.  However it does lead to a isolated lifestyle.  It is pretty lonely in God's chair.  In the last few years I have been breaking out of this habit by asking for and accepting help.  In times of stress and pain I can still drop back to old habits.  In the pass few days I have been increasing my marketing knowledge since it is my weakest link in my business persona.  One of the things that has come up many times is to ask my patients many things that can help the business.  It's a sticking point I am having.  I feel I am coming from a point of weakness in asking for information to help.  I know it's a big fat lie, but it's still a rough hurdle to get over.

I would like to thank everyone for their comments in my Staying the Course entry.  I know I can be a black & white thinker.  Your comments reminded me that their is middle ground between being in date mode and being the grinch in the corner.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Two completely different entries gone.  Poof!  Tried to save them and ... poof!  Nothing.  I'm gonna go wander.  Too pissed to try a third time.

AAADD

I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD:

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it goes...

I decide to clean off the front patio. I start to the patio and notice mail on the desk that needs to be taken down to the Post Office. OK, I'm going to the Post Office...

BUT FIRST I'm going to go through the mail that was delivered. I lay the car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk...

BUT FIRST I'll take the trash out. But since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills... Yes, Now where is the checkbook? Oops... there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty coffee cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks...


BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I start to head for the kitchen and look out at my balcony, notice the flowers need a drink of water because of the extreme heat. I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter.

What are they doing here? I'll just put them away . . .

BUT FIRST need to water those plants. I head for the door and . . .

Aaaagh!!! Someone left the TV remote on the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants on my balcony . . .

BUT FIRST I need to find those checks.

END OF DAY: The patio has not been cleaned, bills still unpaid, cup still on the counter, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys . . .

And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because . . .

I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!

I realize this condition is serious . . .

I'd get help . . .

BUT FIRST . . . I think I'll check my e-mail.

The Kid Test

Here I found this little gem.  It's a nice ride down memory lane.

For those of you without kids, here are some training tips for parenthood. For those of you that have kids, this is just to remind us why we chose not to have any more.

HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN.

THE MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on your sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. Practice writing on the wall with a Hershey Bar Carefully load a sandwich into the VCR, see if it can record anything. Press EJECT when done. Find the tallest place in your home (vaulted ceilings are the best) and splash some tar-like substance in the corner. Wonder how anything could get there in the first place, without scaffolding.

THE TOY TEST
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

THE GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you while you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

THE DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small, net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

THE FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large, plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the jug's contents on the floor.

THE NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more of your own and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful at all times!

THE INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint,turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Item must be complete and perfect within 30-60 minutes!

THE AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. Bend antenna into fabulous W, since radio reception is much improved. There ..... perfect.

THE PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove half of the beans. Leave it on for the rest of your life.

THE PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Tell the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store's account. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

THE FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience, since it will be the last time you will have all the answers.

Staying on Course

Still working on my Mike time.  This is the first time in a long time that I have it all to myself and I want to enjoy it.  I know it will make me a better person.  LOL.  But (yes everyone has a big but) I can have a change of mind fast.  The gym this morning was an example.  I saw an attractive woman and I instantly changed to date mode.  I had to reel myself back in quickly.  I was there to work out not hook up.  I could feel my gut saying that and I know it to be true.  I can multi-task very easy, but multi-emotion forgetaboutit.  My work out would be out the window.  LOL. 

The Answer Is

The question is:  What do women want?

The answer is:  Women want men to express themselves emotionally, be the primary bread winner, and they would like to be a stay at home wife.

This from a study of 5000 couples.  (www.virginia.edu/sociology)   I wonder how much money was spent to find this out? LOL>

Complacency

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."  ~ Will Rogers

"You only coast down hill."  ~ Me

I know me.  LOL.  As I make progress in anything I usually become complacent in some part of my life.  I'll let little things start to slide.  I don't like to admit it.  As usual it is the little things that make the difference instead of the big, grand moves.  All those little things add up to big things and in the long run do and mean more.  I've had this hammered into my head many times over the years, but still have a problem with it.  It plays to my strengths which is to pick thinigs up fast and accomplish things fast.  So I can let things back up then do a quick sweep through.  It works to a point or should I say it allows me to survive, but I don't think it allows me to fully live.

Oh This is How it Feels

I have read many times about everyone going through a dry spell with their journal.  I always have a lot to put in, but the last few days I haven't had much.  It's weird.  I guess with the whole move and change in my rituals and habits has me off. 

It is funny my living in my office seems to upset one of my friends.  I know he cares about my well being and for that I am thankful. LOL. I informed him I have living in a lot worse living conditions thorughout my life.  Some of them in marriage when my ex and I argued. 

Dead Body Update:  Well I finally got the full story today. There was no dead body.  What happened there was a bank robbbery and the two suspects fled.  One hopped into the dumpster to hide.  The police found him.  The body became a dead body along the telephone wire.  I have to admit I am surprised that their are still enough bank robberies in the area.  I thought it to be a dying thing.  I mean you'll score a couple of thousand, but in this day and age what is 5,000?  Not like you can live a year or more on it.  Can't even by a brand new car.  For some reason this reminds me of the movie Tough Guys with Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas.

Financial Woes

Financial insecurity getting to me today.  Grateful it is no where as bad as I use to be, but it is knocking me into old habits of 'all or nothing'.  Since I can't get rid of the debt all in one shot I feel helpless which is a lie.  Didn't get here in a day and I will not get out of here in a day.  Hard to keep that perspective at times. 

Bizare today I miss my ex wife.  Not that I want her back, but she was someone I put a lot of energy into and I guess it's absence is felt from time to time.  Like what I said before 16 years isn't going to disappear overnight.  I guess this came up since I dreamed about her last night.

Dead body update: there was nothing in the paper today so I will ask around at work tonight with security. 

Home Early

Finally home early this week from job #2.  Can't believe the week I am exhausted have been marathon nights.  It was nice to stop at the bookstore and a few other shops before coming home to relax and make dinner.  The interesting thing was a dead body was found in the dumpster next to the building.  I am thinking it was a homeless person due to the lack of police hanging out for hours.  I'll check the paper tomorrow to find out.

Well this week I started at the gym again.  Feels good, but I am still sore from the first few days of it. 

I am so grateful that there I have no work tomorrow during the day.  I can sleep late and enjoy.  I am so looking forward to it.

Thanks

I would like to thank everyone who made the comment of my son being happy to see me and that being the biggest thing.  Intelligently I know this, but in my heart it is sometimes hard to accept.  Do I question my son's love for me?  No.  It is on my part.  That part of me that feels unloved like the Children entry I did.  Always looking for that love even though it is in my face.  What a beautiful feeling when I can accept it. 

My Guide Rule

When I was growing up my Dad was pretty much my guide rule.  I didn't like most thing's he did so I didn't do them.  He smoked I don't smoke, he drank I don't, he use to get yell and get very angry and I didn't do that.  I think 2 out of three were okay, but on the last has caused problems through my life.  Stuffing the anger doesn't work as I have found out thirty years later.  I use to think it was great that I didn't get angry.  That we never argued in my marriage.  LOL. Boy was I wrong.  I know when I feel angry now I am usually feeling helpless in some area.  However it is still real easy to suppress the feelings still.  So I have to always be vigilant of how I am feeling which I know is a sign of emotional maturity.  The funny thing is once I know how I feel it is pretty easy to go from there.  That first step can still be tricky sometimes.

Stop the World I Want to Get Off

I am actually glad that I have a free day tomorrow patient wise.  I am just so tired.  Still not rested from last weekend, moving, and working late every night this week has pushed me to my limits.  So I think I will sleep in tomorrow before doing paperwork.  Still getting to everything.  New place, schedule, etc.  It all has me off kilter and I am feeling like I am playing catch up. 

I will tackle my list of things I really don't want to do tomorrow since I have been putting them off.  Nothing bad just stuff that will help, but I just don't want to deal with my finances anymore. Tired of it.  Well that is it for me.  Night everyone.

Model Intelligence

I was looking through a bunch of stuff and I found this on super models and their famous sayings.  They should be happy they have their looks.

Supermodel Wisdom

They're beautiful. They're photogenic. They're also often a few feathers short of a duck. Here are some memorable quotes from some of our favorite supermodels. Remember, it's not what you say, it's what you say.

ON THINKING: "When I model, I pretty much blank. You can't think too much or it doesn't work." (Paulina Porizkova)

ON COURAGE: "They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind." (Cindy Crawford)

ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE: "Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage." (Carole Mallory)

ON POVERTY: "Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery." (Beverly Johnson)

ON ROLE MODELS: "If you eat right and you exercise and you get breast implants, you can look like us." (Gena Lee Nolan)

ON THE CONSERVATION OF MATTER: "I've looked in the mirror every day for 20 years. It's the same face." (Claudia Schiffer)

ON INNER STRENGTH: "I love the confidence that makeup gives me." (Tyra Banks)

ON EPIPHANY: "I just found out that I'm one inch taller than I thought." (Christie Brinkley)

ON HEREDITY: "My husband was just OK looking. I was in labor and I said to him, 'What if she's ugly? You're ugly.'" (Beverly Johnson)

ON SURVIVAL: "If I'm making a movie and get hungry, I call time-out and eat some crackers." (Carol Alt)

ON LOGIC: "I think if my butt's not too big for them to be photographing it, then it shouldn't be too big for me." (Christy Turlington)

ON VERSATILITY: "I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak." (Linda Evangelista)

ON BODY LANGUAGE: "You can usually tell when I'm happy by the fact that I've gained weight." (Christy Turlington)

ON ECONOMICS: "I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day." (Linda Evangelista)

Children

"If you have children, love them well.  They have no one to love them but you; and the love you fail to give them is the love they will have to spend the rest of their lives attempting to recover." ~ Kingma

Man I was reading one of my daily readers and this was such a powerful statement and I related to it so much that I had to share.