Networking

Well I had an appointment with a lady I did a show with a few weeks ago.  I had sent my usual letter afterwards and she responded.  We talked personal for a while then shop to see what each offered.  I told her a few shows coming up and she informed me of a few business meeting type places.  I'll make the one next Wednesday definitely, but I won't be able to make Thursdays.  I was hoping to schedule my patient around it, but I couldn't.  I know it is better to have a bird in the hand than one in the bush.  So I'll just keep pounding it out there like Johnny Appleseed and see what grows.

Date Review

Okay I must be on drugs or something.  I know I typed this up before.  Did I not save it?  Oh well.

Well when I got to L's last night I could hear her dog Trevor going crazy after he saw me in the window.  Boy did he want to play as soon as I got inside.  LOL.  L looked great as ever and it was nice to see her after a few days off.  So Trevor and I got to play while she finished getting ready.

We went to a place called Waterman's last night.  I've heard about this place from before I moved down here.  L has never been there either so we figured this would be it.  It turned out the place was being renovated so it will still have to wait.  We ended up going to Mahi Mahi another place I have heard of a few doors down.  The wait was humongous so we grabbed a table in the bar area which I thought was just as nice.  The place was expensive for the quality of food we got, but the company was excellent as always.  I did know that L is very happy with her body, but I had always wondered about what she thought of her attractiveness.  That was kind of on the low side and I embarrassed her to no end telling her what I thought of her.

We got to talk about the things we like to do by ourselves and events we like to do with others.  The things we would like to do for the future.  Taking things slow has become my buzz word when I am with her instead of my mind zooming off someplace.  It's nice to fully enjoy and event.

So on my way out the door way too early this morning I told L I loved her.  I was happy to say it since I could feel myself starting to look for that perfect time that would never come.  I've never said those 3 words looking for a response.  I do it for myself.  So after a big kiss and hug I was out the door and on my way back home for more sleep.

Fencing

Since I missed fencing class last week I had 2 weeks of info coming at me tonight.  So it was a a lot of stuff, but it was all good.  I wore full gear tonight and OMG was it hot.  I need to plan better next week.  A think t-shirt is a must as is some straps for my glasses so they don't move around when I'm fencing.  Fighting was real fun and I got to go against my instructor.  My experience with stick fighting and kung fu came out to help me.  So I graduated from my beginners class tonight and will start the intermediate next week.

Engarde! 

Chiropractic

A couple of days ago a friend of mine from chiropractic college contacted me on helping her with her office.  She wanted me to come out there for a day or two to help straighten things up.  She offered to pay.  I told her I could do it from my office.  One thing my career as a chiropractor and the expertise I have gotten has placed a high value on my skills.  Unfortunately in my field no one want to pay for them.  It's easier to get cheap grunts to mangle something together.  Its why I'm down here.  No one wanted to afford me anymore in NY.  Like I was informed everyone wants me just no one wants to pay.  I still toss around doing a consulting business like so many in my profession, but for the way I would want to do it making each office and individual instead of a bunch of clones would open me up to too much liability in this day and age.  I have no want to be battling someone cause they think I wrecked their life.

Anyway I got way off topic here.  My friend re contacted me today with a problem doing a narrative for an insurance company.  She knew I've done thousands of them so she knew I would be able to help her.  I sent over some info and she then sent me back her finished work for a critique.  I ended up doing it over for her, but before I did it I had to look at my motivations for doing so.  It wasn't to help her it was to help me.  I hate these stains on my profession.  I love my friend and she has a great heart, but she like so many of my colleagues think they can fly by the seat of their pants and when it comes time to show what you've done.  What you get is something from elementary school instead of from a doctor and it makes every chiropractor look bad.  God I hate it.  My friend thanked me for the help and she wants to change so we'll see.  I sent her some info with some homework and a message to contact me when she wants to move on.  Hopefully she will.  I've helped a few chiropractors over the years with this.  Hopefully it will all mean something at some point.

LOVE

It's nice to be in love.  I haven't been here in a really long time and it's a good feeling.  I know I will be mentioning it to L Thursday. 

Well I pounded down another night of at least 10 hours of sleep and I feel better for it.  So I'll do it again tonight to build myself back up.  Stretching is the other thing I really need to be doing.  Since I haven't been going to the gym it has been going by the wayside and with it comes the little aches.  So I've been stretching again today as well as practicing for fencing class tonight.  I put my full uniform on today since I was sick last week and couldn't fully enjoy the experience.  It was nice.

Since I wear my sneakers 24/7 I needed to pick up new pair today since they were looking pretty worn.  I scored big today at the thrift store.  I found an unopened Bionicle guy for under $2.  It's an older one and Eric will love him for Easter.

Well Being

Well I have to admit being with L is a work out for my self worth.  If I don't work it I'll panic.  So like a "normal" person I have to look at what is going on and said.  I remember all she has done for me and it all paints a nice picture.  From letting me sleep while I was sick to bringing me a flower.  Actually the first flower I ever received.  So the belief that something worthwhile and lovable is inside me is being absorbed.  Better later than never.  So it was a good talk tonight and it was nice to hear happiness in her tone to hear my voice.  We'll get together Thursday to try a restaurant that we both have heard is very good down on the ocean front.  The weather won't be a nice as it was today, but we'll make it cozy inside.  Like my friend R said.  You know it is a date when your kissing at the table.  LOL.

Tuesday's Tale

Boy did I sleep last night.  I guess I made up for all the lost sleep over the weekend.  Feel better today, but could use more rest.  I did pass up on the gym again this morning and I will see how it goes tomorrow.

Working on letting the weekend go.  It was really great and it is WAY too easy for me to grab on too tight.  Which is something I felt last night when I got home and didn't yet see a reply from L in my inbox.  There was no panic, but I did become anxious.  She wrote me a short one late last night and I'll call her tonight to schedule a get together later in the week.

Still haven't dug out my office yet.  I'm reorganizing a few things, plus the usual stuff that needs to get done.  I was happy to finally track my money down with the insurance departments. 

It's a beautiful day out today.  Almost 80 here and I want to get some sun on me to feel better.  So I will probably grab a pint of ice cream and head to the park to relax and enjoy.

My Weekend with L

I'll tell you I forgot how much a cold takes out of you even though you feel better.  That point became very apparent to me with L this weekend.  Any quiet moments I was passing out.  I felt bad, but L was great to make sure I was comfortable.  We never made it to the play we were going to see, but that was okay with both of us.  We just went with the flow of the weekend.  Usually I leave when L walks her dog with her friend on Sunday mornings, but it was nice to hear that was I was staying longer.  She did make fun of me saying how could I be tired since all I was doing was eating and sleeping.  LOL.  We had some great talks.  As always L is direct and straightforward.  She asked me to tell her about myself.  So I popped around different areas seeing how she would react also trying to balance myself out and not sounding like I'm totally nuts.  She took it all very well.  Like a little kid just sucking it all in.  I asked some questions of her and it was really nice.

The most bizarre point of the weekend was when we went to Hot Tuna for dinner Saturday and after our meal we were just sitting there kissing when this woman just plopped herself down in the booth opposite us.  She was saying hello with this big friendly attitude I thought she knew L. So I said hi.  She responded by saying how hot she was getting watching us.  Okay?  More information than I needed. L was like whatever flips your skirt.  Then we went back to kissing and she walked off.  Sorry not looking for a threesome.

So the roughest part of my time with L was trying to climb out of bed this morning at like 5:20 in the morning. I had forgotten how nice, warm, and cozy a bed is with someone else in it.  Plus it's just an ungodly hour, but I knew L had to go to work and I could just go home and get more sleep. 

Those three magic words nearly left my lips this morning.

Weekend in Review

Well the dry cough has rode me all weekend long.  I had to go out Friday about midnight for cough medicine and even with that I only got 3 hours sleep for my health fair.  The real pain was that I awoke with a fever so I popped some Ibuprofen and it broke by the time I was getting out of the shower.  The pain was that I couldn't dry off I was a sweating so much.  It was a real pain.  All shows are a crap shoot and I think this was this rec centers first one.  They were nice to us with parting gifts and foods and drinks.  However almost no one showed up and the few that did were strange.  A few people asked if I wanted to come to there health fairs in the next month or two and I was happy to say yes. Like always you never know where any of this stuff will lead.  The strangest thing was one of the instructors for the center who was working a table came over to ask questions.  I'm happy to talk to anyone, but I know when your after something else.  So either free healthcare information or a date was her secret motivation and since NO ONE was around I couldn't get rid of her.  She asked me about everything on my table which was a lot.  I finally was able to direct her to the cosmetic lady next to me who had a free raffle. 

I've Got A Question

At what point does one have the talk?  Not that talk silly, the exclusive talk.  Do women just take it for granted?  I know for guys we're like laywers and need everything spelled out.  Looking for your views.

OMG It's HERE

The dreaded dry cough is here.  Of all the things I've experienced on my river ride of symptoms this is the thing that bothers me the most.  I know it's not life affecting like everything else, but I don't like how it sneaks up on me when I think I am all better.  Then it pounces as I start coughing like a chain smoker. It's worse when I talk.  I've never been able to find anything to really make it any better.  Hopefully it won't keep my up tonight.  I'm going to be sipping gatorade constantly at the fair tomorrow as I talk to people.  Maybe I should get one of those hats that has the bottle on top and the straw running down to my mouth.  It would keep my hands free, but I'm not quite sure it would go with the whole professional look.

One of my long time patients came in today.  I wish I had a picture of her face when I said I was sick this week.  She was like YOU were sick?  Oh well like Jerry Seinfeld and his vomitting record their goes my disease free and clean record.

As I do when I get slow is to review all my stuff and shore procedures up to make everything more efficient when I get busier.  I'm always amazed at all the stuff I have or created over the years.  Man I just need to do this stuff.  LOL.  So I organized my procedures and will print it out so I can read it frequently and keep it in the front of my mind.  I know I would and have chewed staff out for not knowing this stuff.  So there is no excuses for me.

Friday

Hopefully I rid myself of the virus last night.  I awoke enough times in a pool of sweat last night to hope so.  I'll be doing laundry most of the evening.  Hunger was a good sign this morning since I haven't felt it in days even though I knew when to eat.  What I am today is sore.  I haven't stretched in days and I feel it today. 

I love business.  Last week was the second busiest I ever had and this week is very slow.  Next week so far doesn't look any better.  So my health fair tomorrow is at a good time.  What I need to let go of is looking at it like a drowning man looks at a life preserver.  Just do my normal thing and educate a bunch of people and see what happens. 

Looking forward to seeing L tomorrow.  It's not suppose to be a nice as it is today, but still nice.  So I'm thinking a boardwalk stroll and maybe another play.  Truly I don't care what we do I just enjoy my time with her.

Get that Gopher

For me when I'm sick it is like catching a gopher.  Go for him in one hole and he pops up someplace else.  While today I awoke after 12 hours feeling different.  No longer achy, but feeling like I was walking on the moon.  Soon the fever followed and I need to take care of it.  Popping a ibuprofen I headed down to the bay to nap in my car since it was a beautiful day.  I sweated like crazy, but the fever broke.  I had hoped that would be the end of it, but atlas no.  My nose started running like a broken faucet.  After several hours of that I decided to take something for it.  Jeez I've taken more medicine in one day then I have in recorded history.  Anyway I have finally caught my nose, but my throat is starting to feel a little weird.  So who knows what is next.

Bummed

Well I cancelled my date with L for tomorrow and I am bummed about it.  However I don't want to make her sick and I need to get better.  Now I know why I stay healthy I hate being sick.  I was happy that my last patient cancelled today since then I could come home early and sleep which I did.  The next 2 days at the office are slow so I will probably not stay long.  However I'm bored when I'm home.  Sleeping and tv watching has is limits.  Anything else I'm just wasted to do.  OMG I hate being achy.

Yuck

Well I'm battling a cold (virus) for the first time in years and I'm not to happy about it.  I was able to sleep in this morning since it is a slow day at the office.  I passed on the gym and will use fencing tonight for my activity to boost my immune system.  Also I'll grab some naps during the slow periods of the day.  Just hate that run down feeling.  So I'm taking my vitamins, doing my acupuncture, and getting as much rest as I can to get on top of this virus.  I'll decide tomorrow if I'm back to normal or not to see L and I definitely need to be well for Saturday's health fair.

Keep On Chugging Along

Well I'll probably hold off on seeing my Mom until their little epidemic is over.  I can still feel myself on the verge of getting sick and that is something I can't afford to happen in any aspect.  I've been healthy since I split from my ex 2 1/2 years ago and I want to stay that way.

I was able to talk to the director at the recreation center about me doing health care lectures at night.  I'll definitely do them in the fall and maybe the summer which will be good.  A lot of exposure and a few bucks in my pocket.  Also I wrote all the civic leaders in the area again about doing talks at their meetings.  Keep planting those seeds and see what happens.

Happy for the rush of new patients last week, but they are gone already.  2 of them are going to India for 3 months and the other just wanted to come in once a month.  No real complaints since solid patients pay off over the long haul, but someone coming in more frequently is always best.

I have to admit I've been better with selling the stuff.  I gave out a card at the gym this morning which is something I'm not big with. Also today in the office with the acupuncture to help someone with their cold.  Letting go of the best kept secret belief and opening up.

Well that's it for me.  I think I'm going to go home and relax.

 

Happy Monday

Well I was happy to get my fencing gear today, although I knew my mask was going to be off.  When I called back I was informed I measured the wrong way.  No biggie.  The foil and glove are all I need at the moment.  What a difference in practicing with a real foil than a pine dowel.

Happy to see my Mom feeling better today and up and around.  The place is still filled with the miasma of illness and I can feel it coursing through my body when I leave there.  I didn't stay long since I don't want to succumb to whatever is lurking there, but I wanted my Mom to know I was still stopping by.  As I figured she didn't remember me visiting while she was bed resting.

Being in charge of all my Mom's affairs I CAN'T BELIEVE the amount of paperwork that comes across my desk.  I mean forget all the crap.  Like today I get another class action suit that she is part of.  I swear every other month their is another one.  I guess Mom can pick companies like she can pick husbands. 

Speaking about husbands I was touched that my friend R would open up to me that she was having problems with her spouse. 

Digging

One thing that I have realized with L is that anything I have to deal with is something I brought through the door myself.  Today I couldn't believe comparing this relationship with my ex's how much CRAP I put up with.  In a way I am grateful for all of it since it helped make me the person I am today, but jeez. 

The other thing I have realized that I am finding those pieces of me that I lost years ago and it's nice to have them back.  I feel more complete.  However with it comes many other buried things.  While I slept well last night with L my dreams were full of dealing with past issues with people.  My Dad, MIL, etc.  Jeez when did this line form?  The stuff is got to be dealt with someplace so I guess my subconscious is the place. 

So L and myself are getting together Thursday for dinner at a place called Zia Maria's.  She described a few dishes I can't wait to try.  OMG me who is so blashe' about food is looking forward to eating.  Last night we finalized our little agreement that one pays one night and the other pays the next.  L was making sure it was fair to me.  I was like SURE since I'm use to paying it all.  Anything less is a bonus, but it tells me a lot about her in that she is not looking for someone to take care of her which I love.  She can stand on her own two feet and that is someone I want to be with.

Here's the Couple

Here's the happy couple out at dinner.  Picture is now bigger.

Date 5 Review

Yowzers it's cold.  It was so nice and warm and now it's 29 degrees.  When I left L's this morning my car was covered in frost.  We had a great time yesterday.  I picked her up at her place and actually it was a night of me showing her places she has never been.  So we went to this restaurant called Fellini's. It was packed so we sat at the bar which works out very well for us.  The food was awesome except for the scallops which were dry.  We got a bystander to take our picture so I will put it up later when I am at work. 

Then we were off to the theater.  It was a little weird walking into a place with L that April and her friends work/act.  April I knew wasn't there, but some of her colleagues were.  The play was very good and we had a fun time.

The drive back was quiet and nice.  It was a workout for me since I am use to that quiet time being a bad sign.  However I knew everything was okay between L and me so I just had to enjoy it.  We did talk about it later and like I though she was just enjoying the time together.  We still seem to amaze each other.  My words and actions seem to have a sutle affect on L.  I think they are a round peg in her square hole of things she is use to.  I can see she is not use to many of the niceties which is a shame since she is a great woman.  On my side it is that she accepts me for who I am.  I had forgotten my razor at home so I showed up with a little stubble on my face last night.  She ran her hand across my face and said it was no problem at all.  It was something little, but it meant a lot to me.

I know love is an action not a feeling.  So I am happy not to have reacted with my string waves of feelings for L.  I do however say how much I love things about her.  I can tell she will not say the 3 magic words until I do.  I can't believe it's only been 2 weeks since it feels longer in a great way.  With that knowledge I can't utter them.  I know it needs to be longer even though they strain to be said when we are together.

Saturday Musings

Well I finished up my second busiest week ever in the office.  It felt good, like I worked hard.  The new insurance I started taking December is working out since it seems to be the largest insurance for the city.  It's not the greatest and it is time consuming to get all the paperwork finished, but 3 of my new patients for this month have it.  It's funny they will only cover about 10 visits for the year, but you really have to work for those visits.  They got several chiropractors in their pocket saying that the patients aren't that bad.  I know most of the games and this is the first since I've been in VA that I'm really going to be a chess master with these bums.  I can see why most chiropractors don't accept it.

Anyway L is excited about our play tonight.  I lucked out since she really likes Moliere and that is who did the screenplay.  So to occupy myself I have been running some errands.  Since I finished Eric's Easter presents I started creating an Easter basket for L.  I got the basics today of the basket, hay, and a silly gift.  I'll pick up dark, bitter chocolate and cheese which are things she loves closer to the date to put in there.  I stopped to finish reading my book in Starbucks and relax.  Then I headed over to Hallmark to get her a card.  I love this universe.  Who waits on me, but Ms. Hallmark.  Found out her real name, no ring, and a good laugh at the irony of it all.  I'm very happy where I'm at.  Anyway I think L is going to flip when I give her the basket.  If flowers were a big thing, LOL, she's going to have to learn to accept gifts being with me.

Wow

Well with all the rain here everyone was late.  Almost an hour with my last 2 patients.  So it was weird to get out of work so late.  Been a LONG time since I worked in the office till 7.  The good news with my new patient coming in tomorrow this will be my second biggest week ever.  18 is my record and I want to beat it.  Looking through my records today I can't seem to break the 5 patient a day record.  Damn that one patient for pulling a no show.  Especially since I had a patient that wanted to come in that time and then decided to come in next week. 

So L and I are going to get together tomorrow evening for dinner then a play.  I'm taking her to see A Doc, Despite Hisself.  It's at the same place I see the comedy improv, just  a different troupe of performers.  They do a good job and we both like plays.  L is excited since she hasn't seen a play in a long time.  I just need to stop being sort of on egg shells.  While I am not fearful I still feel this need to make sure everything is smooth.  A process in work.

I was planning on us getting together earlier but L said later.  So I think I might come back home and grab a nap.  I will be picking her up at her house.  We discussed it with the weather than she asked me what I would rather do.  I told her I would pick her up at her place.  I need to find out if me picking her up around the corner is her not thinking she is worth it.  If this is the reason it needs to be put to bed. 

It's funny in a lot of ways L is a female version of me.  We are both very self sufficient people and this area of having people do (nice) stuff for us is alien.  Their are other similarities that I have already mentioned.

Friday

Well my Mom caught the bug that is going around her facility and they put her on some antibiotics and some oxygen.  However it was truly a vision of what is to come when I walked in her room with the lights down while she sleep and an oxygen tube in her nose.  It was depressing and surprisingly it affected my a lot.  It took about 15 minutes before I felt the blanket lifted from me and that took a lot of work.  I have to be careful in that position.  I could feel the bug trying to exert itself while I was low and I can't afford to be brought low by a cold.

Another new patient called to come in.  Yoohoo!  If she really does come in that will be 3 for this week which will be great. 

Enjoying the knowledge and comfort that L is safe.  Even last night when she a little annoyed that I hickeyed her last weekend and she had to hide it from her students all week.  I just knew I was still okay with her and that is something new. 

4th Date Update

L looked lovely in her dress last night.  I have to hand it to her she knows what outfits really look stunning on her.  We got to Bubba's as the sun was just going down, but the clouds had already rode in.  We needed our jackets to sit outside, but it was still very peaceful.  I felt like a teenager the whole night and our waitress one of our parents.  Every time L and I was kissing the waitress would show up with something or a question.  Halfway through the evening I was jumping when I heard something behind me.  I had to work at savoring the moment when I caught myself wanting to talk about Saturday in the first hour.  An old problem which I was happy I caught before I opened my mouth.  Once I worked it I was able to slow down and enjoy.  Although L told me later I still talk very fast at times.  I told her it usually happens when I am nervous or excited.  She asked which I was and I told her I was excited. 

We did get to talk about ourselves.  I asked her about her obligation thing and she said she is not use to anyone doing nice things for her.  Then we talked about me asking if things are okay.  I'm just use to most everything I say being turned against me by my ex and it is taking a while to unlearn.  So some healing for both of us.

I did get to brush out her big mane of hair last night which I really enjoyed.  L said I really knew what I was doing before she fell asleep.  LOL.  The really nice thing is that she doesn't move much while she sleeps like myself so it is nice to cuddle together.  The bad thing is boy does she get up early.  I am not use to seeing 5:30, but I said my goodbyes and headed on home for a few more hours sleep.  So we made plans to get together Saturday and see a play and dinner.

Jeez That was a Pain

I was informed that I should have on my answering machine message that if it is a medical emergency hang up and dial 911.  Damn that sentence!  I forgot I had perfectly timed my last message to just fit.  Now this added tidbit totally went out of bounds and I was nipping and tucking all over the place to get it all to fit without making it sound all like one word. 

Pissed today I miss marked a patient's appointment for next week so when she showed up I wasn't here.  It helps balance out next week, but it would have made it a really great week number wise.

I'm not quite sure what is going on with my ex, but Eric has called me everyday this week.  Not complaining just not like her to be free with these niceties. 

Oh well the clouds arrived early so I doubt if L and I will be able to see the sunset tonight.  Hey we'll be together and that's all I care about.

Note to Self

Note to self:  NEVER work out my legs the same day as fencing class.  OMG do I feel it in my legs tonight.  Class was good.  It started out just me then the 9 year old girl from last week also showed up.  I knew everyone from MEETin wasn't coming back, but I thought the other Filipino girl would be there.  No biggie.  More personal time for us.  Boy did our instructor work us and as always if it feels really uncomfortable then your doing it right. 

The day at the office turned out to be a good one.  One of my old patients showed up out of the blue and then a person from the fair last week called to come in.  When they did her husband wanted treatment too.  If only one of my patients didn't pull a no show I think I would of had a record of 6 patients in one day.  I don't think 5 is, but I'll have to check.  Wish I had this everyday. 

Looking forward to seeing L tomorrow night and her picture looks really good up on my dresser in my bedroom.

Getting the Farming Tools Out

A little worry hit me this morning about money.  I had finally reached a comfortable area with both jobs.  However when I reach an area of comfortable it is usually ripped out from under me.  I must of made a wish a long time ago about doing whatever I needed to learn life's lessons.  Anyway it's time to start planting more seeds out there for new patients to crop up sometime in the future.  Next month ends all the stuff I've planned so far so a new batch needs to be readied.  Happy to have an old patient finally come in.  Felt bad that I didn't remember her, but it has been a year.  So she should be coming back in regularly now.  Also a person from last week's health fair wants to come in so that is a nice boost for the week.  Just keep it coming.

Finally after much trial and error I got my picture for framing this morning of L.  I like it. 

What a Freakin' Pain

I worked with the picture of L that I had 2 entries ago.  I cropped it and got one nice full body shot and a nice close up of her face.  I figured I would print them up at the drug store machines.  I found out that any pictures I want to print to make sure to have an original non compressed one.  So I'll have to wait till I see Eric next month to get a good picture to print again.  Anyway I go to 4 stores and one twice trying to get this to work.  Machines not working, some not reading the information.  Jeez they really needed a hammer encased in glass that you could break in a frustration emergency and smash the machine to little bits.  Even one of the workers said he hates the machines.  Wow now I have real confidence in them.

The Talk

Well I called April tonight and I actually got her.  That was one of my worries since it is usually hard to get her.  She explained how bad the accident was and she ended up in ICU with a really bad concussion.  She is still not allowed to work and needs to be monitored.  However she was going to do auditions tonight.  She actually wanted to get off the phone after a while.  So I told her I would talk to her some time.  So I do thank everyone for their help since I was reading it again just before I called.

I will talk to L Thursday about this obligation thing.  It's come up a few times already and I want to understand it better.  I know I can't change her on it, but I would like the air cleared.  So I'm picking her up down the street again.  Not quite sure what that means.  My guess is that is her way of protecting herself.  She went out with a man last year that she developed feeling for and then turned out to be engaged to someone else.  So she is leery and I understand that.

Catching Up

Well L enjoyed the flowers although I do detect some unworthiness on her end.  She seems that I am doing it out of obligation instead of feelings.  I left her a message about that's so we will see where it goes.  From her past I can tell this maybe a problem for her to work through.  We plan to go to Bubba's Thursday which is right next to Chix in hopes of catching the sunset in this beautiful weather.  L is 43 and close up you can see little signs of age.  However that means little to me since I find her very attractive.  L's real name since this seems to be a hot topic is Leo (lay-o) which is short for Leonor. 

I love the spirit of love in the air.  All my friends (you included) are so happy for me with finding someone I like.  It's very touching to me so thank you.

Pictures ... Pictures ... Pictures

Well I finally remembered to download my pics and my friend Gina sent me mine from fencing last week.  There is even a pic of L in there.

Well business's this week is looking up as more people call to come in.  Everyone must be getting more active as it gets warm and their out of shape from the winter. 

Boy daisies are hard to find.  Although I should have just gone to my usual florist since that's where I found them.  I picked up a vase earlier, got the flowers, wrote a small note, and left them for L on her doorstep for when she gets home tonight.  I forgo there are white and yellow daisies.  I'll have to find out what she likes better.

Eric still has the innocence of youth and sometimes I hate to show it's just not that way.  When he was out sick last week someone stole all his crayons and markers from his desk.  He was upset and it took him a while to realize that they had been stolen and not somehow mystically misplaced.  As usual he asked me for one of my tales of something being stolen.  I couldn't remember anything from school so I related how my bike was stolen.  Eric was like maybe someone mistook your bike for someone else's.  I was like no. Mine was on the bottom of the pile of 3 bikes and mine was the only one taken.  Someone wanted it and that person wasn't very nice.  A life lesson that sucks to learn.

Talking to my friend Paul this morning that how I monitor myself while I am dating is by what I give up in life.  I do a lot of stuff to keep myself healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually everyday.  I still have plenty of areas of free time, but my biggest past problem is blowing off what is healthy for who I am dating.  Just as I was very pleased when L kept her dog walking and get together with her friend Sunday morning.  I was happy to leave since I knew she was keeping her boundaries.

April

Tonight was my monthly comedy improv event with my friends.  I was happy to have a few more people show up.  I knew April would be there since she MC's the show.  I saw her walk in with a couple of guys and sit in the front row.  We were back a couple of rows and I caught in the the corner of my eye her looking up once.  She didn't MC since I heard that she had an auto accident. 

I figured I could see how she was at the intermission, but there wasn't any this time.  After the show she went in the back with the guy or guys she was with.  All this didn't bother me.  Anyway on the way home she left a message on my phone saying that she was in the accident, hoped I was doing well, and I think call whenever.  Last week I was ready to deal with this.  This week I really don't want to.  So I need to listen to her message again since it was muffled a little.  I guess I call her tomorrow and leave her a message that there wasn't enough spark for me.

Any suggestions?

Sunday in Review

I was just floppy today.  I forgot the therapist name that said you needed a certain amount of hugs a day for emotional growth and such.  I have the information in the office.  Being a single guy you do miss out on this and a day of hugs with L yesterday did the trick better than a massage.  My head was rolling around my shoulders today and I had to keep moving or I would have just drifted off.

Since I didn't see my Mom yesterday I stopped by today.  She realized I wasn't there yesterday I believe and was a little anxious, but enjoyed the visit.  I stopped by Starbucks to relax, read , and keep adding terms to my fencing note book.

Then it was off to the movies.  In my condition I figured I needed a good strong guy movie to pick me up for the evening.  So I went and saw 300 and enjoyed it.  Like I told my SIL it was a guys movie and any guy would love it.

On the way out I had a few messages on my phone.  One from Eric and one from where my Mom stays.  Before I could hear them my brother called and I became worried.  He just wanted to ask about Mom since she was anxious with him on the phone.  When I called the facility Mom was okay and they had her laughing and eating cookies so I was happy to know everything was okay.

I talked to L tonight and we'll get together Thursday night.  Maybe we can get a standing Thursday night and Saturday thing going. 

Third Date Report

We'll our third date was rough for me.  I was having to stifle yelling out, "I love you," the whole time.  It was a great day.  L called me and asked since it was such a beautiful day that we switch to an outdoor setting instead.  It was a great day so I agreed and asked her for some options since she had given it more thought than I had.  So we mapped out going to Chix which is right on the water.  So that was really nice.  Eating with L has become a pleasurable experience.  We get a whole bunch of small dishes and have a whole vareity to eat which is something I greatly enjoy, but never get a chance to do (I do have pics, but the will have to wait till I'm at work to download). The breeze of the water was so peaceful.

Afterwards we headed over to the beach to walk up it.  I had never been to First Landing beach.  I had been to the hiking trails down by the ocean front, but never on the bay side.  It was very nice.  It was a child's treasure trove of sea artifacts. Rocks, shells, teeth, egg cases, etc.  In one area it looked like a mosaic there were so many tiny rocks strewn around.

We got to talk more about our past.  Something that can scare me with someone I really like.  The age old fear that is you knew me you wouldn't love me.  L took it in stride.  Grateful to be able to also voice the fear.  I truly love that I know where she stands and that she is being honest with me, no head games or manipulation. 

I got to meet her dog and 8 year old puppy.  LOL.  Trevor is very cute and playful.  L has a nice place and I ended staying the night.  Here is where we split.  L is a early riser and I am not.  I am grateful she is not pushing off her usual activities, but I was tired this morning when I left at 7 before her friend came over for their weekend dog walks.

So tonight I have my monthy comedy improv event.  I'll see April there.  I'll follow her lead.  Since she never called my back I take it we are in the same boat feeling wise.

Pacing

Today is my third date with L and I know I have to pace myself.  She's so open and safe that I know I could fall for her very easily.  Hey who am I kidding I know I've already fallen for her.  LOL.  However I'm still trying to pace myself since their is no rush and I really want to enjoy this. 

We have a great day this time.  It's sunny and warm and will be a perfect day to walk around the canal or the Ghent neighborhood after the museum.  I just have yoga this morning and then I'll pick her up.  One of my staying boundaries is not cancelling any of my normal activities to see L.  I have a lot of free time now without valet.  However I have filled some of it up with healthy activities that make me feel good.  I know if I start to give them up I will need to get my happiness from her and that isn't a good thing.  Been down that road before and I don't like where it leads.

The Decision

Well after much debate I'm going to take up fencing.  After coming up with every excuse under the sun I still want to do it.  I enjoy the salsa, but it doesn't make me feel alive.  So I have to follow my heart and I am happy with the decision. 

I emailed L to say how much I enjoyed the evening and she responded the same.  Happy to hear she slept better than I did.  I was out cold, but woke up about 5 and couldn't fall back to sleep for a while.  Happy to hear it's suppose to be sunny and warm here tomorrow. 

Second Date Report

What can I say. I'm in MAJOR LIKE.  We had a great time.  The place L picked out was very nice and the food was excellent.  We both have high metabolisms so we both eat a lot and don't like just one big dish.  So it was nice to order a bunch of small dishes and enjoy.  It was great to be on an even level with someone.  We talked marriages and families tonight as the major points.  Minor were the thrift stores we love and the classic rock music we like.  I love how she is passionate about everything, from the way she enjoys her food to the way she looks at things.  She seems to like how I am very smiley and the many manly mannered things I do.  After dinner we walked across the street to the Cheesecake cafe.  We got seats at the bar and L had some decaf and I some tea.  We small talked it over there.  Actually we just hugged a lot there and it was just so relaxing that we both could have just fallen asleep. 

We made plans to go the museum Saturday and then dinner afterwards.  L looked at me strange when I asked her to call me when she got home.  I dropped her off at a restaurant down the block from her house.  After I told her I would worry about her safety she was touched. 

It was a great night and I look forward to seeing her Saturday.

Thursday

I'm looking forward to my date with L tonight.  It will be weird to go out on a second date already knowing she likes me.  I'm good with that.  Now it's the work on not worrying about losing it.  LOL. 

My day just opened up.  It's slow patient wise this afternoon and my lecture next week got pushed back till next month.  I can I can still practice.  I should practice more of my salsa for tomorrow night.  The were bathing my Mom today when I got there so I was in and out real fast.  Now I have this big open space till 7 tonight.  One thing that I need to get done is my Mom's Medicaid paperwork.  I miss read the bill I got the other day.  It was so folded up I thought the last amount was the total.  Silly me that was way on the bottom under a couple of folds.  Yowzer their went all the money.  So the paperwork needs to get in for April. 

Last up a solicitor stopped in yesterday.  Actually out of the boobs that come through my door this guy was helpful.  His company does collections and their percentage fee is low.  Hey if they can get me any money out of my two dead beat patients I would be ecstatic.

Fencing and Dial up

I really need to start taking pictures of people's faces when I tell them I still have dial up service.  I probably get less of look if I said I slept with my sister (if I had one). 

Anyway tonight was good.  My friend Gina and myself had dinner at the Silver Diner then we car pooled over to fencing class.  I drove since Gina said she was directionless.  I didn't know what to expect, but it was a lot of fun.  Having done Filipino stick fighting, kung fu, and being in shape helped.  At the end of class I really considered continuing with the class since it $25/ month.  However their are so many rules.  Come on it's a fight heaven's sake.  The second is that while it is a healthy activity it is more of a solitary one which I know I am drawn to more than group ones.  That was one reason I was going to keep up with the salsa.

What is funny out of my MEETin friends is that most of them are single.  Gina is the rare married one.  So there are always getting together because of that.  I don't think a lot of them date.  Since Dan asked me if I was going to the Funny Bone tomorrow and he had this look of total incomprehension for a few seconds before he said, "oh one of those." I have to admit is was pretty funny.

The Dating Diaries

Well over the past week I have gotten many little questions about my dating so I figured I would just answer them here.

Ms. Hallmark (not the Playboy behind the counter) works in the back of the store and I hardly ever see her.  I think I would have to tackle her to get a conversation going.  The last time I saw her a bout 2 weeks ago I saw a ring, but couldn't tell which finger it was on. 

April still hasn't called back.  I know she has been in Baltimore since Sunday and gets home today, but for me that is no excuse.  Cell phones allow us to reach anyone in the world now a days.  So I take it she felt the same way I did and let it go.  I personally like a final something instead of just left hanging.  If I hadn't decided to end it I would still be wondering what happened and I wouldn't have asked out L.  I'll see her Sunday at the show and will say my goodbyes then.

I'm looking forward to my date with L tomorrow especially since she is paying.  I do feel bad since the place she has chosen I've read reviews on and they say it is overpriced. We've passed a few emails back and forth since Sunday.  However it has only been ONE date so I am trying to pace myself. 

Wednesday

Well I was finally able to get a replacement jacket today for my old leather one I retired last year.  It's not leather, but I like it.  With no in between jacket for the last year has kind of sucked since I'm good for the deep freeze and for a light breeze.  However for something in the 50's I've either sweated or frozen.  These end of season sales are great. It's how I got my deep freeze jacket many years ago.  I was planning on buying a new jacket when Eric threw up all over it.  Looking at it I was like I'm not cleaning this up.  So I tossed it and headed to Burlington and got a great deal.  Happy to repeat it today without the vomit.

Looking forward to going fencing with some friends tonight.  It's a cheap class so we all figured we try it out and see what happens.  I know I won't continue doing it, but it will be fun to try.  I think I'll keep up with the salsa dancing.  If L and I continue dating I will see if she would want to join me. 

Mom and Dreams

I have to admit for most of the night I thought my Mom was dead.  I had a dream that she came in the room and stood next to the bed.  It reminded me of a dream my Dad had when his Aunt Sadie died and he saw her in a dream that night she died. So I said goodbye to my Mom and rolled back over to deep sleep.  I wondered if there would be a message on my cell in the morning.  Since it doesn't work at the house I would know till I drove out of the neighborhood.  Their was no message this morning so I take it she is okay.  I'll see her later on then.

A Dying Breed

Talking to one of the other guys in my yoga class this morning.  He happened to be another Mike.  We laughed, but agreed we are a dying breed.  When I was young it was commonplace to have 4 other Mike's in class with me.  Now a days it hardly ever happens.  I don't think Mike has been in the top 10 in years.  We had a run for about 25 years being the number 1 name then in the 80's it started slipping.  It's weird to be in a room now a days and have several Norms and Dons, but no other Mikes.  I have to admit I like it.  That uniqueness that was never there as child has finally arrived.

Monday Monday

Taking a break from digging myself out of all this paperwork.  Most of it is my Mom's, but some of it is mine.  It's just  that the pile is getting hard to hide behind my desk so I needed to tackle it.  I did find my Mom's homeowner's insurance which reminded me I still needed to cancel it.  So why I am going through it all I figured I organize my stuff to make it look nicer and be more accessible. 

I know things are going better with L since I am thinking about her often today.  More though than I did with April so at least I know my decision was a good one.  Also I'm excited about seeing her again Thursday.  Since L is very straight forward which I love I know she likes me so that hurdle was easy.  Now is the work to enjoy it and to let go any fear of messing something up.

Today being Monday I gave my Mom's teeth and partials a good clean.  She cleans them during the week with or without help I am not quite sure, but a thorough scrubbing is needed. I am surprised the lighter nail polish last longer than the darker.  Knowing my SIL she probably bought a high priced one. 

Well let me get back to this paperwork.  It's just about gone and I can see parts of my desk and floor.

Sunday

I tell you florist need to open up earlier on Sundays.  I knew L liked daisies, but couldn't find a florist this morning so I had to get a bunch from the grocery story.  I figured a bunch would be too much for a first date so I bought some tissue paper and broke it down.  See liked it and I'll give the rest of the bouquet to my Mom tomorrow.

Well since I'm busy Monday, Wednesday, and Friday this week I figured I would call L tonight to see when we could get together this week.  Tuesday was busy for her so we are getting together for sushi Thursday.  She said she knows this great place near Town center.  I looked around for some activities, but as luck has it everything was Wednesday.  If we get together over the weekend it will be easier to choose something like a museum or event.  Things just close too early down here. 

When One Door Closes Another Opens

Well April didn’t call me back and I know she is on her way to Baltimore now.  I think she may have beaten me to the shoe dropping.  I’ll be seeing her week at our monthly comedy improve event.  What was interesting was to see her and her troupe in the paper this morning.  I know they had an interview for doing performances down at oceanfront this summer. 

 

So anyway I asked someone out last night and we had brunch this morning.  L was a little leery about meeting today since we just met last night, but she thought I was a nice guy and pushed her normal rules aside.  It was a great time.  It was nice to enjoy some classic rock while we ate.  More spark than I had with April which I noticed right away.  I have to admit L is a Zen master.  During the few lulls we had in conversation she was totally relaxed and just digging the music while I was trying not to panic.  Dropping back into that relaxed state is something I am much better with, but still needs more work.  L enjoys life very much, which is what attracted me to her in the first place.  While I work the gratitude she embraces it and that is something I want to learn.  I have to admit L is the first woman that I can remember going out with ever that didn’t seduce me with her smile.  She has a nice smile, but it is not the usual light up the day smile that I’m use to. 

 

We had a fun time during brunch and L suggested a walk on the beach afterwards since we were right there.  It was windy and cold, what a difference from yesterday, but we did probably two miles down and back.

 

We plan to get together during the week and just need to see what is available.  L said since I paid for this date she would pay for the next.  Before I forget let me say the nuts in bolts of it all before my inbox is flooded with questions.  L is 43, originally from Spain, divorced, special ed teacher, and artistic. 

Saturday

Well still no word from April.  She might have done the work herself.  Time will tell.

It was nice to get back to the gym today and yoga class.  Tara added another class during the week which will help in the coming weeks with my lectures.  Now with no more valet I need to add a day of cardio in to keep up my endurance.  I know today with yoga and biking on the boardwalk I am tired tonight. Although I know a lot of the tiredness was all the wind on the way back.  I couldn't believe the couple parked in front of me.  The woman was blowing the guy with people in cars on either side of them.  It was a sight. 

Oh well back into the colder temperatures tomorrow. We got a little taste of what is to come with the last 2 days in the 70's. 

On the Record

I figured when I did my last entry it would stir up a hornet's nest out there.  For the record I am not breaking up with April due to phone or time constraints.  They are minor irritations.  What I have discovered is that while having all these healthy things in a relationship there is also a unwritten spark that needs to be there.  And it's just not.  I rode the pendulum swing to the opposite side and I found April.  I need to hitch a ride again and land somewhere more in the middle.  I think Jackie said it best with her "well rounded" comment.  While it has a nice curve on one side it is flat on the other.  I still haven't heard back from April and who knows she may feel the same way.

The Next Step

THE EVOLVING RELATIONSHIP

The most important move is to begin.

We begin weaving by stringing vertical threads on a loom to form the foundation of a new cloth. Then horizontal threads are interlaced back and forth, and we create a fabric. As the cloth begins to form, new possibilities open before us. After we weave in the first color we can then envision other colors that will work with it. The most important move is to begin.

Sometimes new possibilities occur to us only through action. If we take the risk of the first step and keep our eyes open, we will see the next step. Too much planning, too much carefulness and analysis, may block all action.

 

This was my daily meditation I got this morning. I thought it pretty funny since I am told that I over think things too much.

Anyway after much thought I think I am going to end it with April.  The spark started Wednesday when we went out.  The questions from everyone fanned the flames, but what really did it was talking to my landlord.  We weren't talking about this, but about a old tenant he still helps out.  He was relating how she grew up in poverty and the guy she was with had some wealth.  Now that she is back on her own she is back in squalor.  He had hoped she would have learned to want more.  That was it.  I'm so use to living and thriving on little emotional sustenance that I too fall back on old habits.  April has many good qualities I've never had in a relationship before, but there are many things I want that are lacking.  PDA's being one of them.  I still feel no more intimate with her that I did after our first date.  And I realize while I don't need chemistry to drive a relationship I do need a certain level that is not here.  Boy it's been a LONG time since I've had to break up with someone.

Friday Night

It was pretty funny at Starbucks tonight.  These Turkish brothers are almost always their.  I guess they are my age at least that is what they said.  One of the brothers is always hitting on the younger women there.  Anyway both of them are there today and they started up this converstaion with these 20 year olds.  I was suprised when the girls moved closer to talk to them.  Then the guys had to leave and the girls were calling them pedophiles and making tons of father jokes which I thought was pretty funny since they agreed to move closer to them.  What really became funny is when one of them started making eyes at me.  LMAO.  I'm the same age. 

So I tried my hand or foot as it would be at salsa tonight.  It was fun and I will probably go back next week.  I met a lot of nice people, but it would have been nice to go their with someone.  That feeling hit me with the inaccessability of April.  Being squirreled into small spots of free time.  Just like tonight.  When she is not expecting a call their is a good chance I won't recieve a reply till tomorrow night.  So my defect of impatience really flies up and my friends words of your not a couple yet so you should be dating other women echoes in my head.  So I sit here tonight trying to sort through my feelings.

$25,000 Question

The one question I have been asked over and over today is if there any chemistry between April and myself.  There is some, but I have had more.  I still do with some women I talk to, but I also realize the problems already existing.  So I am still naturally attracted (or trained) to these problem women.  I still remember my therapist stating that the instant deep connection was a person to run from.  She said there were just too many deep unconscious things going on that wouldn’t be good.  So I realize I am in uncharted territory with April.  I enjoy my time with her and look forward to seeing her.  However she doesn’t dominate my thoughts.  I am consciously aware of what goes on when we are together instead of riding a raft down the rapids of feelings. 

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My next step is really to see how the relationship responds to it being stretched.  Since we go out late after she gets home from work dinner and conversation has been our main fare.  I need something else for us to do or add to it to stress the relationship and see what happens.

 

Since we both like board games I may bring one when we go out to eat.  When she gets her brace off her wrist we can go bowling. 

 

I will say that I am starting to get frustrated about my inability to see much her due to her schedule.  Hopefully with me not working at nights it will help and I’ll be able to tell when she gets back from <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Baltimore. 

Relationship in Review

Since I now have my nights free I was reviewing my relationship with April since that is what I do.  Where's the unhealthy dependency, the manipulation, and all the crap?  I'm freaking out with out it.  LOL.  In a way I am truly.  I've worked hard over the years to attract healthier people.  April is the first one that I have developed a relationship with.  It is just so different from all my past ones that it's just strange.  It truly doesn't bother me, but like a new set of clothes.  It fits, but still not fully comfortable yet. 

I'm thinking if we go out late again I'll pick a place that we can play a game or something during our meal.  I know we both like board games and I need something for us to do for my own sanity.

Meanwhile on the office front a couple from the Filipino organization called and wants to come in next week.  So hopefully the universe is balancing everything out here.  That's my prayer and I'm sticking to it.

Quiet Time

Well it was finally quiet in the office today so I put it to good use which was helpful since it was the first of the month.  So I got everything ready for March and took care of business.  I sort of straightened out my storage room so I could at least get in there.  I dug out just about everything I needed.  Still can't find one book and my voter's registration.  So I think I am stuck until my taxes come back.  Everything personal goes to my PO box so I really have no proof of residence for the Rec Center to renew my membership and that stinks.  So I guess I am on forced hiatus from the gym until then.

Anyway I took a few pictures of myself since the one I had for my website was years old.  Even my patients were saying I needed a new one.  So I dug out my camera stand and went to work.  I liked it so much I put it here also. 

Well one down.  One of my patients referred someone for treatment and she'll come in tomorrow.  Just need to keep the ball rolling.  Hopefully someone will come in from the health fair yesterday.  At the least I gave out about 40 magnetic business cards so hopefully they will make it to the refrigerator.

Thursday

Well I have to admit I'm depressed today.  I feel like I have lost a loved one.  Such a regular staple in my life is no more and I feel its loss.  The money part really isn't playing a part in my mind.  I'm just going to miss a lot of people. 

Anyway with all this free time at night now.  Wow what a concept.  I'm signing up for a few activities that I have been putting off because of valet.  So I signed up to try the salsa class tomorrow night and I was happy to tell my friend Gina that I could come to her fencing class next week.  It will be nice to get out with people on a regular basis.