Well here is the best I could do for pics with my Webcam. Some are a little blurry. I had to take my picture in the big bathroom mirror.
I passed on the Abbey Road pic since there was too much glare. Also if you didn't know it then it would be lost on you.
I also did the best with the little figures I paint that I mention from time to time. I placed a quarter near one so you can see the size.
Starbucks is the adult place to trick or treat. It was fun to joke with all the girls there especially since one of the girls was dressed as Darth Vader and I a Jedi. I was there for a few hours writing and got to see a bunch of fun costumes. The really funny point was when a group came in and this little girl just came in ran to me and slammed her hand on my keyboard. Her mom was so apologetic while I was LMAO. They kid just saw and did there was no thought.
What I am still trying to figure out is how this homeless guy is drinking Starbucks. I guess it is warm and has a bathroom. If he gave up liquor it might be a good alternative. I will really laugh if I see him panhandling with the Starbuck cup. I see him often there so it wasn't a costume.
I am a creature of habit. So passing on yoga this morning to pass out candy I can't remember what day of the week it is.
I will try and take pictures tonight with my webcam of my costume and the posters in my room to post tomorrow. No promises though.
I am going to kill someone. 
Well all the little trick or treaters have come and gone. They were really cute since they are all 4 and under. I actually had left over candy this year. Wow. Now to get rid of it somewhere since I won't have it.
I enjoy Halloween a lot. It is pretty much accepted by society that adults can be kids today. So know one really cares when I walk around dressed like a jedi although I do get some stares and giggles.
Well I just got back from visiting my Mom and doing her nails. I was hoping we could do them outside since it is sunny and in the 70's here, but she was too tired to make the full walk. I think I need to do it in her room away from everyone else. I always get swarmed by request both passively and actively for me to do their nails. If I thought I could get some money out of it maybe, but I'm there to see my Mom. Not spend a couple of hours doing people's nails.
I thought these people have memory problems. Ralph always remembers that I do my Mom's nails and had been pestering me for months to clip his nails. I know if I do one I will end up doing them all. I don't think so. They may be another family for me, but Michael doesn't play that game.
Having 2 email addresses is getting to be a pain this last week. I gave my business address to the alumni association so this whole getting back in touch with classmates has my business mailbox constantly occupied. Yes I am lazy. I hate that 20 second switch over to my other screen name. LOL.
Full of life today and it all comes from taking care of myself. I really have been letting dating go for a week or two. I know when I am looking I don't concentrate on myself as much. While I know some amount is healthy I don't know if I have found that balance yet. Also trying to let go of looking for the cream of the crop. Like yoga class there are a couple of women that stand out in the class, but when I really think about it there not someone I would date. So I am just letting it go to if I run into someone that lights my fire I will pursue until then it's all about me.
If I don't hear back from the ASPCA by tomorrow I will track them back down again. Since I am not willing to pay $345 for and ad plus give them donations it has been quiet on their front. If I have to pay that much you can forget the contributions.
So it is Monday and thinking about what marketing I can do for the office since it remains slow.
The party was a lot of fun. I grabbed a two hour nap since I was exhausted today so I would be up for the festivities.
Marileigh or host had plenty of snacks and a bunch of activities for us. They were all physical so it made it a lot of fun. She had Dance, Dance revolution (that game where you have to match your footwork to the arrows on the screen), air hockey, and foozball. Foozball was great. I haven't played since I was a kid. I can't say I got to know anyone well, but I had a great time which was my priority. Can't believe I'm back home and I am ready for bed. Boy my body must be run down.
The added bonus I am finding with writing is that I'm pushing myself in my weaker areas. My main character is the eternal optimist. All of life is an adventure and challenge and that makes him happy. I work my recovery in that way so as not to fall into old bad habits. So I am constantly writing and think how to act in a way different from me. Interesting.
Looking forward to the Halloween party tonight. No nerves yet, but I am looking forward to just having fun. Friends and dating are down the list.
Well I tracked down our covering person tonight and he is able to cover me for Saturday so that I can go to the Halloween party. I'm really exicted about it. I'll pass on the hot tub though. Now I just need to get a costume tomorrow. I think I might go for a Jedi outfit for myself.
I realized last night that the daycare center next store hadn't dropped off their signs for when the take all the little ones around for there trick or treating. I was a little worried since I already made up 100 bags for them. I was glad I stopped by to ask since they realized no one had done it.
For the second week in a row Eric hasn't called on Wednesday. So I will call tomorrow. I know if I let it go it will be only 2 phone calls a week in no time. I don't mind the calls when we both say we don't have much to say, but at least we made that decision. I've been down this road of having my rights slowly widdled away and I don't let it happen anymore.
Well I didn't have to work valet last night. So I got to relax at home, write, and watch the Invincibles. I was SO happy to be on my own, single, the whole kitten caboddle. It was great. Probably one more session and I will have knocked off this short story which is about 50 pages. Jeez how the hell did that happen? After having learned what goes into writing this has been a fun endeavor.
It was funny Monday night I was reading my Dialogue book at valet and I left it on the chair when I went to get a car. One of the reservation was talking to me about it and to keep it up. She asked how my classes at college were. LOL. I told her I was doing it on my own. It was easier than explaining why a doctor was getting her car for her.
Well I just finished my office evaluation for an insurance company. Even the lady said these questions will be stupid and they were. However her perfume is killing me. I have a headache and my throat is raspy. I needed to open the window. It wasn't over down, but some scents really effect my sinuses.
Well let me go do my weekly house calls.
"I've been working out. I was a size 40 ... now I am size 42. I'm huge." ~ Bania
One of the constants in my life is the inability to gain weight. As my friends know I eat all day long, but my weight always stays the same or drops. For most of my adult life I have been 140. Since I got separated I jumped to 150. Now since I've been working out I looked at the scale and it's 160. WTF? I was looking all over for fat, but there isn't any. So I am taking it's muscle weight, but this just turns my world upside down. A bunch of my shirts are now small in the arms. So are the shrinking? I know I have had them all for a dog's age.
Well in a little over a month I will be 40 which I don't really mind. What I really mind is that in 10 years I'll be 50. How the hell did that happen? I feel like Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally". Well I guess I have 10 years to get use to it. LOL.
So after 6 days I called my son since I hadn't heard from him at our usual phone calls. It was a nice talk and it was good to hear all that he had been up to.
However it is the same shit different day with my ex. It is her responsibility for the calls and after all her niceness of the last few contacts this is what I have come to expect from her. Wish it didn't have to keep happening, but if it didn't we would probably be still together.
Talking to my friend about my Mom. Most people are surpised that I see her six days a week. The lady at Starbucks this morning asked me if I was a momma's boy. LOL. I don't think so. My Mom use to be a crazy, abusive, bitch. However since the strokes and the dementia started she is a lot nicer and appreciative of others. So I take it as a gift in my Mom's later years to able to be loving and closer to her. She doesn't remember one day from another which is olay. She is now in my care and this is how I am with people that I care about. Also my Mom got her wish. My brother and I are not estranged anymore after aabout 9 years. Something she tried very hard to put an end to over the years.
Well I got to meet my first J Lander today. Robin over at Random Threads. It was a lot of fun. I also got to see and learn a bunch about Irish dancing. My ex used to play the Fief, but no dancing. I can pick up the beat of anything so the differences of the dances was lost on me since the difference seemed to be speed. The funny thing was that if you needed to find someone and said the one with the Shirley Temple curls it would have been like being in Mexico and saying yeah the tanned guy with black hair.
The rest of the day was running errands since my patients yesterday kept calling into reschedule later in the day which really screwed up my schedule. Boy am I tired today since the last 2 nights have been late parties. It is suppose to be a busy week at valet this week even working Monday which we are usually off. The good thing about that is my normal Starbucks is going to be out of soy for some of this week. So I won't be missing anything there.
Well it turned out to be a older smaller crowd than what was expected. It was just plain lame. The only thing memorable was a group of women telling my partner that if we wanted we could go to another party with them as long as we had some weed. Where these people come from I have no idea.
Well my landlord will be back tomorrow night. I will miss having the place to myself. Since the larger air guitar will have to go in the closet and the smaller version for music at normal levels will come out.
It was funny my friend asked me what I was doing this weekend. I gave a laundry list of stuff. Yoga, then a patient, art show, valet. Then Sunday I hope to meet my first J Lander. No wonder one of my friends worries about me having a heart attack. It sounds like a lot, but I tell you there is a lot of free time inbetween activities. I try to label myself as a high energy person, but I guess it still causes people to shake their heads.
Well it turned out to be a older smaller crowd than what was expected. It was just plain lame. The only thing memorable was a group of women telling my partner that if we wanted we could go to another party with them as long as we had some weed. Where these people come from I have no idea.
Well my landlord will be back tomorrow night. I will miss having the place to myself. Since the larger air guitar will have to go in the closet and the smaller version for music at normal levels will come out.
It was funny my friend asked me what I was doing this weekend. I gave a laundry list of stuff. Yoga, then a patient, art show, valet. Then Sunday I hope to meet my first J Lander. No wonder one of my friends worries about me having a heart attack. It sounds like a lot, but I tell you there is a lot of free time inbetween activities. I try to label myself as a high energy person, but I guess it still causes people to shake their heads.
It's so weird to be starting valet so late tonight, but that is how it goes with these Hoochie Momma Parties. At least I was able to grab a nap since I know I won't be going to bed before 4 am.
Finally got the call for my office evaluation from this insurance company to be able to accept more insurances. The pain is they want emergency plans for everything. It's a three room office and I am the only employee. What is there to cover? Fire? Drop and roll. Robbery? Here take the money. Dirty bomb? Bend over and kiss my ass goodbye.
I actually saw my female roommate today which is like a bigfoot sighting these days. Besides being physically attractive I can't figure what else attracts me to her. We never get a chance to really hang unless that is it. It's all in my head. Who knows and no hurry. LOL.
Got my posters today. I'll pick up the bigger frames tomorrow, but I was able to frame the smaller Blondie pic today and it's great. So glad to have ordered them.
Well I guess it is off to the party. I would like to say I will have no stories for you, but that is an impossibility. Hopefully nothing will top the usual guns, drugs, and nakedness.
Night all.
After the one-two punch of today's events and my phone calls to friends to let out the excess energy I was still feeling depressed. When I thought it over I wasn't fearful, but I was still looking at the negatives over and over in my mind. I knew I had to get the ball rolling in the other direction. So as I though of all the things I was grateful for today my spirits started to lift. The biggest thing was that I hadn't crawled back into my whole because of the situation. I had taken care of everything to the best of my ability today. So I was able to enjoy myself at Starbucks and write which always makes me feel better.
My first marriage counseler said that he tried to learn something from everyone. Looking over my day I learned something from my Mom today. As I explained to my SIL what had transpired with the psychiatrist today and explain how much my Mom's life has changed in the last 10 months and all the loss she has gone through. Also the continued loss of not being able to interact with her granddaughter like she would like. However she keeps trying even though it is very frustrating to her. As I see where get my anxieties from and other foibles I see where I get my strengths also in tenacity and perserverance. So thanks Mom. :)
I hate looking at my bank account and seeing nothing in there. It's usually why I hate looking, but I know I shouldn't let fear rule my life.
I got a letter from the city today saying they were auditting my business. My bookkeeper was surprised since it is a new business, but she said they probably make sure I am paying taxes on all my equipment. Just a pain finding all the paperwork since I just moved all my boxes last month.
Happy to say my psychiatrist gave my Mom a good bill of health. I didn't think she needed meds, but my brother and SIL were concerned.
One thing I forgot that I truly love when I am home alone is to BLAST MY MUSIC! I pull out my hard rock CDs and turn the volume up. The only thing missing is the air guitar which isn’t missing long. I don’t know if the neighbors are wondering what is going on the house of the 65 year old retired Navy Captain, but hey no one has knocked on the door yet. Gotta go great guitar solo coming up.
Well I have to admit I am tired of the slowness in the office. So I am pushing all my marketing abilities to see what happens. The only good thing so far today is that I am rested. I accidentally hit the wrong alarm on my clock and over slept an hour.
I'm back to my pushing dating away again. I seem to be in the dead man's land. The women I am meeting younger than me don't seem to have enough life lessons under their belt to communicate honestly. The older women I meet have that down, but don't like that I am a struggling chiropractor. So as usual I get frustrated and chuck the whole thing. For at least today. I like how one guy put it, "you either have to have big cahones or a great pick up line". LOL
It's been nice to have off from valet at night for a while. I've been stopping by Starbucks to get a chai latte, listen to some jazz over the speakers, and churn out a few pages of my story. Trying to get some rest for our Hoochie Momma party Friday.
I am always amazed at the stuff that I do and how people are so amazed by it and look forward to the stuff. The two biggest of these is my daily funnies that a lot of you get and my weekly motivations I send out through the business.
My Daily Funnies (just email me if you wish to be added to the list) I started earlier this year as I tried to get humor back in my life. It was one of those life expanding exercises I was doing of just reading jokes through the day. Some were just so funny I started putting them in my journal, but it wasn't the purpose of it so I started sending them out. Now I have a pretty big following with it. The weirdest is that I get emails from people I have no idea who they are thanking me for them then them asking me "who the hell am I?" LOL. The biggest thing has been the response from you all on how much it makes your day which really surprises me, but that helps in those times when I am trying to find stuff and feel like throwing in the towel with it. However then I find a funny joke or picture and I keep on going.
The other thing is my Weekly Motivations that I started to help market the office. I've only gotten one patient out it which is great, but the love of it by people has been startling. Patients that move away still want it in their life. I even got an email from one of the DJ's from my classic rock station thanking me and how much it help her in life. Wow.
Guess I'm still coming from that place of less than and me making a difference is hard to believe even though it is a dream of mine.
Well I spent the night last night decorating my room. I pulled out a lot of my Japanese stuff and I ordered a couple of pictures for the room that I have been wanting for a while. 2 Alfonse Muccha, The Beatles Abbey Road, and a small Blondie pic. Once there up it will feel like mine. Like always when I take care of myself better I don't care about dating which is usually why I go in and out.
Throwing in the towel with the divorce papers. I'm grateful to have been able all I've done on my own, but the list I got showed that there is just too much that I don't know to finish it up. Happy with the decision. I've taken care of myself since I was little and the belief that I have to be able to do it all has been a hard one to shake.
I visited our local art museum today for the first time. It was very nice, although I realize that the older I get the less I can take in at once. I had to take a break between the first and second floors.
One thing I contemplated as I looked through the glassware exhibit was something I started to think about a few weeks ago when I went out with Colleen. She had stated that she moved so much she was down to what would fit in a few suitcases. I know in my own situation having moved so much through life and in the last few years. The first thing I shed is the bric-a-brack stuff. It serves no purpose, but to look good. With each move the amount gets less and less until you are left with just the practical stuff. As I look around my room now I see I still haven’t put up my pictures yet. There was a time long ago I would have pissed all over the place to mark my territory. Within 48 hours of moving in my presence would have been all over the place. Now I have a few objects. My dragon samurai sword, Futurama figures, a Gatchaman statue, and a wooden mermaid that hangs from my ceiling. Recently I put up a case of my figure paintings to remind me of my talents. I have other Japanese figures that sit in my closet. They bring me a lot of happiness, but as I look back I have allowed another woman to stop me in this area. A woman I dated over a year ago thought they were childish. Maybe they are maybe they aren’t but I do need to remember my happiness is paramount to my success in life. So I will need to pop that box open tonight and take them out.
I know having loss myself in my marriage I still don’t have an identity of things that I like and don’t. Usually I make it up as I go along. It has become a game over the last 2 years of “I like this” or “I don’t like that” to sort out where I stand on stuff.
My son called me last night, but since we were busy I didn't hear my cell phone ring. When I called him back I got the answering machine. So I left a message figuring I would hear from him over the wekend like usual.
Lo and behold I get a call from him tonight. WTF. I really would like to embrace this generosity of my ex, but I have been hit too many times to drop my guard. So I am having a hard time truly enjoying this. There has always been an alterior motive.
Anyway it was a fun talk with Eric and boy is he soaking up the knowledge at school.
Started my Christmas shopping for him today. I got him one of the Bionicle guys he really wants. I was thinking of getting him a Gameboy since he enjoys playing with mine when he visits, but the correlation of unsupervised video game playing and lowered grades is just too much. So I will have to find something else.
One of the successes I've had with self improvement is that I have been willing to do anything to achieve that goal. So I see myself leaping and bounding forward, but not so with business. So when I look closer and ask myself honestly "What am I willing to Do?" I know the answer is not anything. There are certain challenges that I am not willing to face. The usual defects are the answers and I have wrestled with this the last few days. Trying to spread my self improvement techniques to all parts of my life.
So this morning I pushed the envelope in this area. While waiting for my shrink his office staff was talking about massages and then it turned to chiropractic. One of the staff said she just went to one of the guys down the street. She felt very rushed in and out and she was going to complain the next time she went. So I pondered for a while on what to do. The usual feelings of being foolish for butting in, less than, and all that crap. However I know I do a good service and it has worth so I handed one the lady my card and told her if she still wasn't happy with him she could come see me. She thanked me and they were quite after that.
Another step forward in active marketing which is something I am weak at. Great at the passive stuff.
I didn't win the football contest this week. Missed Monday night's game. Boy looking at the winners for the last few weeks people can really pick. All the winners had perfect picks.
The prizers per week are trip and accomdation for a football game either the Skins or Panthers. The second being a gift certificate for a Sports memoriabila shop. Nothing I am losing sleep over, but hey if it's free I'll enjoy.
Visited a bunch of book stores today. Inside one I found a new manga (Japanese comics) called Train Man. It was so great that I read it all in the store and still bought it. LOL. What I loved about it I guess it reminded me of me in a way. It's a story about a young guy who is basically a nerd and into a lot of fantasy, sci-fi, and online computer forums. Anyway on the train one day he helps a bunch of ladies when this old man goes postal.
Anyway one of the ladies likes him. The story continues on with his relationship with her. The anxieties of calling her, asking her out, etc. His life line is his computer forum in which everyone is giving him help. The people get so into his struggles it becomes almost a reality show for them. I had to control my laughing in the book store.
Saw Departed today. It was okay. The characters were very interesting, but the suspense lacked. A quarter of the way through the movie I realized it was a remake of a Chinese movie called Internal Affairs which I thought was done better. However I enjoyed myself and that is all that matters to me.
I feel like the guy that goes to his local bar and everybody knows his name. The Starbucks I go to that is the way it is. The staff know me and what I drink. It is a rarity that I have to say anything. LOL. I was really surprised that my friend Christine has never been to one. I didn't think that was possible in this day and age.
Anyway a nice soy chai latte helps my creative mood. I've been doing more research on writing. I'm a feet first kind of guy. I jump in then meander my way through it all. Usually seeing all my mistakes I could have avoided by knowing what I was doing. However for me the excitement of doing something I enjoy pushes me a long to learn more about it. So I pretty much scrapped what I had originally wrote and started at a different point in time having spent time creating backgrounds which I could pull from instead of just making them on the fly.
Looking forward to next week when my landlord will be gone. Since my other 2 room mates are never here I will have the place to myself. While I do enjoy company I do enjoy my autonomy very much. I grew up that way and as long as I get some I'm good.
Well I'm continuing to dig through all the crap in the back of my cranium about dating. The latest nugget would be the problem with asking a lot of women out. Like their will be a stigma attached to it because the women network will broadcast that I keep asking women out. They'll think less of me and I will feel like crap. The whole concept is crap and I have no idea where in my warped mind this stuff came from. I know my teenage years were strange, but jeez.
It's a wash out of a three day weekend. Most of my stuff that I do is outdoor so I need to find more indoor stuff. I hear the problem from others in the area. It is not like we don't have plenty of museums and stuff, but those are more mood driven. Also better with someone else.
Was pissed this morning at the GM and accountant at the club. Since I am known as the fast driver I am being treated like the one that damaged that car from a week ago. Hey I know when I hit something. The anger comes from me feeling helpless in the situation not something I like. Had to realize I have no power over what they think. All I can own is what I know.
A friend blogged on another site yesterday how she was fearful know after all these school killings. My beliefs aside on this I realized I don't really care if my head is blown away. I know for a long time I wished someone would have done me the courtesy. However that ended years ago and I still find myself in a non-caring way of life and death. I am not looking to die, but not that I have to stay alive for something. Maybe it's healthier not holding on so tight maybe not. Just some realizations that I don't have to answer today.
Got a blow off from S. I don't mind declines. I just hate the no answer and hanging in the breeze. Bizarre.
Funny last night on of the security guards for the NATO big wigs at the club was a woman. She asked where the bathrooms were and was skittish about going up to the club. So I told her I would take her up. I was tired and not thinking about asking her out. LOL. So conversation flowed out of me. After we finished I realized if I had my head on straight I could have steered the conversation better for possible ask out. Oh well. However then I could feel the anxiety kick in some.
Feeling better today. The adjustment by my friend yesterday seemed to help with the funk. I'll probably have to postpone my roadtrip till next week since it is suppose to rain all day Friday.
Tired today after getting up early for some reason. Sleep last night was populated by dreams of old stuff being taken care of correctly now which is nice to finally let go of stuff on a subconsious level.
Michael doesn't like change. Starting Friday the gym will be closed for maintenence for the week. I was hoping to catch Cecilia the other yoga instructor at one of the other rec centers, but her class is too late in the day. So now to reconfigure my travels to go to a different rec center. Not too much of problem really it's just that I hate change and I like my routines. Hey I'm a little kid with this stuff and I will admit it. :p
Still no response from S on if she wants to get together for Starbucks. Some where in bak in my screwed up head is the belief that asking someone out is somehow bad. Please don't even ask where it comes from. Well to think about it I guess it comes from some childhood belief that women need to be protected from men and dating. Maybe coming from being raised just by my Mom. I remember talking to my wife while we were married about my belief that woman didn't like sex. So I have to admit that when I ask someone out I feel that I am putting them through some kind of pain. Hey I never said I was normal.
Well having admitted that I am burnt has helped how I feel. Since I goofed off yesterday afternoon. Catching myself from pushing when there is no reason is an old problem that doesn't allow myself to regenerate. I am still shooting for a road trip Friday if the weather holds out. However I am better with having some life with my work today.
The woman from Myspace that I wasn't quite sure Saturday emailed me back saying she was down there. So I believe it was her. Part of me was hoping she would give me a lead on weather to ask her out or not. However that is dropping back to old habits of being in a place where I am uncomfortable and waiting for someone else to take the lead. I have nothing to lose by throwing it out there and I know it is always better to act than react. So we will see.
I'm just world weary today. Tired of struggling, tired of working, tired of working on myself. Just tired. Not saying I am acting on any of it, but it is just where I am at. Tired of caring. Most likely I just need a vacation, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. While I do take every Sunday to relax and little bits through out the week I could use a chunk of away time.
At times it's a real workout at home with the dysfunctional folk. My landlord has his routines in his world and if they are disrupted he gets moody. Growing up like I did I really am sensitized to the people around me. So mood shifts put me on alert. It's a workout to remember that it has nothing to do with me since that is where I go first.
Now my female roomie is back. I haven't actually seen her since I moved in a month ago. We use to watch a few movies together when I was there before. I always felt she was very nervous around me. So it's a little extra tension in the room.
After some initial rain this morning it was a beautiful day here. I headed over to the Bark in the Park today. Whoa! What a happening place with all the people and then all the dogs. I watched a sheep herding and the police dog demonstration. Both were really good, but not having a dog did limit my activities.
So I headed over to Starbucks to relax and do some writing which was my primary motivation, but I still kept my eye open. I have to admit it's a terrible place to pick meet someone. All the women are either a lot younger than me or married.
Anyway since it was a beautiful afternoon I grabbed a pint of ice cream and headed over to Mount Trashmore park. I grabbed I nice spot on the top of the big hill which over looked the surrounding area. It was nice to enjoy some a frozen dessert while enjoying the experience. The rest of my time there I read and practiced my juggling.
I'm impressed my ex got our son a skateboard. I know she dreaded it. Eric was really excited and looking forward to trying it out.
I have to admit it was saddening to see so many couples together over at the park. I do miss it. The funny thing it was such a small part of my relationship with my ex that is almost like it never happened. However I still miss that nice interaction that couples have. Maybe it's just the romantic in me.
