Thursday Hurles

Was pissed this morning at the GM and accountant at the club.  Since I am known as the fast driver I am being treated like the one that damaged that car from a week ago.  Hey I know when I hit something.  The anger comes from me feeling helpless in the situation not something I like.  Had to realize I have no power over what they think.  All I can own is what I know.

A friend blogged on another site yesterday how she was fearful know after all these school killings.  My beliefs aside on this I realized I don't really care if my head is blown away.  I know for a long time I wished someone would have done me the courtesy.  However that ended years ago and I still find myself in a non-caring way of life and death.  I am not looking to die, but not that I have to stay alive for something.  Maybe it's healthier not holding on so tight maybe not.  Just some realizations that I don't have to answer today.

Got a blow off from S.  I don't mind declines.  I just hate the no answer and hanging in the breeze.  Bizarre.

Funny last night on of the security guards for the NATO big wigs at the club was a woman.  She asked where the bathrooms were and was skittish about going up to the club.  So I told her I would take her up.  I was tired and not thinking about asking her out. LOL. So conversation flowed out of me.  After we finished I realized if I had my head on straight I could have steered the conversation better for possible ask out.  Oh well.  However then I could feel the anxiety kick in some.