Relationships always get old tapes playing in my head. When working through things in my head today I was struck that I am trying to make friends in the area, but not making much of an attempt to meet. So what's that all about? The train of thought was that the last time I was doing this I was dating which always brings up my irrational fear that I will get into a relationship that I can't get out of. That's how life was a long time ago, but I not anymore. However the irrational fear stays.
Talking to my best friend Paul today. He was able to point out that I do it very well. He even pointed out one that I did this once while naked. Don't remember that instance, but it has been a long strange trip.
So I find myself trying to get in synch with my psyche I guess. Reality and my imagined self for lack of a better description. Maybe I will get back into it? However in my minds eye I see myself suiting up for it like I am going into the arena to fight. Again old stuff. This should be pleasurable if not I am doing something wrong.
7 comments:
someday you might want another relationship.
Ha! You sound like me, Mike! It's hard to get back into the dating scene when you are carrying around so many fears and excess baggage! I feel for you, I really do!
Wish I could give you some eye opening advice, but I'm still trying to figure it all myself! lol
Jackie
You need to try a "Meet & Greet"...can be a total meat market (bleh!...patooey!), but, if you choose like minded people to be around... Hiking, B-ball, Photography...whatever. ;) C. http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies
Try carrying something pocket size around with you that will represent your baggage and fear. I think sooner or later you will realize that A.you will get tired of carrying this around with you and B.one day you will decide that you will take this baggage and fear and put in the garbage where it belongs. Until you let go of it,you will be forced to carry it with you to every relationship you want to enter into.Just a thought.....try it.... it can't hurt
much luck
if you want to socialize and meet friends but not open yourself up to a relationship, maybe you could consider volunteer work somewhere? Gets you out among people but perhaps not people looking for a relationship. just a thought
betty
OMG, you just wrote everything in my mind. I am getting ready to go through a divorce right now. Its so hard to just get out of a relationship especially a marriage that I have feelings of never wanting to get married again. And you know what, I think it is normal. Some things just take time. Don't get discouraged...When the time is right, you will know.
ps... your last comment on my journal cracked me up!
Brandie
I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Some situations have conflicting feelings attached to them. I mean, think about a first date. Sure, it's exciting .... but it's also scary and nerve wracking, too. Some situations are both. I think you are gonna do just fine, my friend. Tina
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