Black & White

It was nice to sleep in this morning and to get up slowly.  I reminded my landlord that I wouldn't be home for dinner tonight.  He went through his emotional turmoil of having his plans upset, even though I had told him about it days ago.  I thought I came out of it unscathed since I didn't fall into my old self of feeling like I did something bad.  However as I was driving out I was kind of tense for some strange reason.  I couldn't think of anything except this incident.  I had to realize black & white thinking runs deep.  Without a conscious run through of the incident I saw it since it wasn't all good (nothing ever is) that it was bad.  Hence my tenseness.  The almost silent playing of old tapes.  I'm a bad person, it's my fault, the other shoe will drop, etc.  It was a funny realization since I was thinking that evaluation is so important to make sure I don't veer off track.  And here I am a little later veering off, before I realized it.