Working on interpersonal defects today that have been coming up. The first is my ability to take on someone's pain cause it is too painful for me to watch them in pain. This has been a life long thing I have done and I have made a lot of progress in this area. However on reflex I will say "no problem". That use to be my nickname years ago. No problem Mike. If I have time to think I can just leave the pain where it ought to be, but shooting from the hip I revert back to old habits. It is the reason I don't have certain policies in my office. If I can't enforce the policies such as 24 hour notice for cancellation it will be a real problem to have the rule. So I don't. I just enforce it on my problem patients, but it is still a work out. I caught myself the other day saying no problem when a patient blew me off.
The other defect is having a person that I care about have a problem with something I did or a stance. That instant loss of approval can put me in a fear mode. I don't scramble back to changing my side anymore, but these are my friends now that I deal with. And they are a work out. How will I do with someone I am closer with? In the past it was doing it as long as I could stand it than give up. The time always got longer, but this a concern. Friendships are mildly rough a deeper relationship worries me.
2 comments:
One of the reasons I quit being a hairdresser was because I hated to collect the money when I finished with my client. For some reason, it would almost embarrass me that I had to charge them. I know it sounds crazy, but it's just how I was.
And I used to let people blow me off too. I wouldn't get angry when they would keep me waiting on them. Then, one day, I passed up about $200 in chemical services from waiting on a no show... That's when I finally saw the light. I realized that I went in the business to make money. And by letting people do me like that, I was just hurting myself. So then I kinda became hard nosed about missed appointments and no shows. Seems like my clients started respecting me more then though.
So anyway, I really understand this entry.
***Monica
I tend to do the same thing, Mike. I get so wrapped up in other's feelings, that I have a tough time turning it off. I have improved some, by reminding myself that I can't be of much help if I'm as overwhelmed as the person I'm trying to assist ... but it's still difficult. And I am terrible with the 'NO' word. Not good, either ! I do want to be a nice person ... I just don't want to be a doormat. It's tough to walk that fine line. Tina
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