Monday Night

Well tired after a stressed day.  Finalizing everything for the whole Mom episode at the end of the week.  So far looks as good as it's going to get.  I will call the home health aide place tomorrow to schedule someone to be with my Mom. 

Old defects are rearing the ugly heads.  I was actually scared to ask my brother tonight for money to repay what I have already spent on our Mom.  It's her money and he already told me to tell him the amount.  That old tape of having to prove myself was playing, but I asked and it all went well.

I treated myself to some down time at Starbucks tonight before my meeting.  Just to read, play Soduko, and RELAX.  Something came up there.  When I walked in a woman that was sitting outside was looking at me so I smiled in her direction.  Went inside, got my drink, and sat down in a comfy chair to relax.  Last thing I wanted today was courtship rituals.  Anyway after I sit down she changes her chair so her back is to me.  Whatever.  At some point in the future she packs her stuff up, walks in, looks through the newspaper rack for something then sits in the chair next to me, gets comfy and turns her back to me.  The place is completely empty.  I have never got this back to a guy you like.  I see it a lot and I still don't get it.  Anyway after a while she just left.

"I would never be part of a club that would have me as a member." ~ Groucho Marx

One thing I have realized that has changed since I have separated is that I am no longer attracted to women that are attracted to me.  When I first separated it was like a huge thing if someone was attracted to me.  It automatically made me attracted to them.  Gratefully now that has changed.  I didn't want to be that way.