Dealing with Life

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."  ~ Abraham Maslow

For most of my life I lacked the tools for living.  I remember another journal's entry about how a traumatic incident triggered her depression.  I think mine started in the delivery room when I saw my parents.  Looking back I see that they are both social morons.  I wonder why my tool bag was empty?  Hey I got a hammer to change a light bulb. 

So my biggest tool was withdrawal for most of my life.  Situation to tough just withdraw emotionally.  Problem is that one day life is just too tough and their is no reason to put yourself out there.  So I became the usual male zombie.  I perform task, but I am not really there.  I am not quite sure when I turned the corner to being the opposite, but it was a rude awakening to look at videos from my son's first year of life.  I am there.  I am doing a lot. But it is a shell of a person moving and doing.  A walking talking robot.  The actual essence of me is not there. 

Now a days I use my natural talent to pick up things fast as I jump feet first into the pool of life.  Still trying to figure what works for me and who I am.  I'm treading water well and haven't gone under once.  So now it's time to start streamlining my motions and get the most I can out of the experience.