Well today has been a work out of my new emotional and spiritual skills. Slept late which is always nice. So in preparation for the holiday I found out yesterday which Starbucks would be open today. The drive through was busy, but inside was empty. At least until I went it. People must of saw me inside cause it really filled up then.
Talked to Eric and he was excited as only a child can with having opened presents on Christmas morning. It was difficult not to get off the phone fast. A mix of feelings surged through me at hearing all the sounds of Christmas come over the phone. Music, voices, and the sounds of toys operating. Eric played many of the sounds for me over the phone. He enjoyed the stuff I sent him. Especially the Bioncile figure and the Yucky Ball. What boy would like a toy named the Yucky Ball? Anyway we ended the phone call after a while and I was left to deal with feelings. It's like trying to catch a gopher sometimes. You reach in one hole and it comes out another. Slippery feelings. So I do what I usually do. Call my friends and talk to them about it and also wish them a Merry Christmas. Talked to a few of them who like me aren't seeing their kids today.
Stopped by to see my Mom today and help her open presents and cards. I hung around longer than usual because of the holiday, but it is never a good thing. Since then she is wanting me to stay more. She enjoyed her stuff and her cards. She got to talk to my brother. I got her to laugh a few times, which I am informed that I am the only one to do that. It was difficult to leave since she was getting sad. However I am not the caretaker of my Mom's feelings. So in that moment of stepping back or stepping out. I stepped out of the room and continued on my journey. It was death to step back in and I have fallen for that choice too many times in my life. Trying to take away someone else pain. Never a good thing.
So I am now just relaxing at home and doing some laundry. I'll go out to dinner with my landlord later. It was nice to open that present I bought for my birthday that I never opened. I took the digital cameraas my birthday present and saved the DVD's till now. So it was fun tearing some paper open today. The other present I got for myself was a computer game based on my table top wargamming. It's been fun.
Well that's it for me. Merry Christmas or Happy (insert holiday here) to you.
4 comments:
Happy Christmas to you, Mike. I hope your Christmas Eve went well, also. It IS hard to be away from ones child on Christmas, well, for most parents. (It amazes me the ones who don't seem to be concerneda bout it.) That Eric is feeling close enough to you to share the sounds is awesome:) Peace -- Robin
by the way..."damn lucky" was meant in a positive light...~Raven
Oh, I could totally feel what you were saying in this entry Mike. Your gopher description really hit the nail on the head. It is very hard. You cant really enjoy it vicariously because, as parents we want to see and absorb our childrens joy and anticipation...its really hard.....When you were talking about your mom, it must be so hard for you. I know I have read before of your relationship but how lucky she is that you sacrifice for her...she is damn lucky.....Glad you made her laugh...we need that during the holidays...~Raven
belated Merry Christmas to you Mike. I am sorry you could not be with Eric on the holiday; that must really be so hard for you.
Maria
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