Coyote

As a child growing up I use to think of myself as a coyote, in the sense that a coyote could chew off its own arm as I could drop people.  My family was not happy with this since they were the target of this habit, but hey I learned from the best.  My father had separated from me four times before I said F*CK this, I don’t need this crap anymore.  I probably learned this most from my older brother.  He had the habit of getting very excited and very into things.  However, when the excitement waned he ended dropping it.  I use to say he started with animals and then worked his way up to humans.  He never saw the humor in it, but I guess I just hit a sore spot.  After all the pets, friends, and wives he had gone through. 

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I remember one day with our first marriage counselor my ex expressed fear that I would drop her like I did family members.  I was really shocked since I really loved her and I was putting so much into the marriage.  I was also shocked since she had tried to walk out two times in the past when things had gotten bad.

 

I don’t remember what made me refer to myself a coyote again today.  However, then I stopped myself and though of a session with our second marriage counselor.  My ex again expressed the fear that I would leave.  This time however, our counselor pointed out the long time we had been together and I hadn’t left.  Then she pointed out how many times my ex had told me to leave and I had said no. 

 

As always it takes a lot for things to sink into my conscious mind.  My friend Harrol has told me so many times in the last in the last two years how persistent a person I am.  Not giving up against incredible odds.  Yet still the old image in my head was still there in my head.  So I pull my leg out of the jaws of the steel trap today with all my limbs intact.