Musings

Talking to a friend last night about sharing with spouses.  She had revealed something she felt guilty about.  It went over well and they were closer for it.  Then she asked me would I have done the same thing.  I answered "no".  Then I had to think about it.  I am very open with everyone so why did I say "no"?  Looking at it I remember I was trained in my marriage not to share.  Enough times of getting a knife in the heart will do that to you.  I remember last year when I was dating a woman.  It was hard to open up those deep things, but I knew it was unfair of me.  I did open up and it was great.  Like I always dreamed it would be.  So I need to keep this memory instead of the bad ones on how to act in the future.

Talking to one of my friends to day that has dealt with a lot of these parent issues that I am going through.  I was thinking that VA would be cheaper than NJ for a assisted living place.  However my friend was quick to point out that I am just getting my life and business on tract.  Would I still be able to do that if I had to take care of my Mom?  It was a good point and I knew I was just trying to solve the problem without looking at the full spectrum.  The other thing that has clicked was that for the last 27 years since my brother moved out of the house our Mom has been my responsibility.  I was there or closer in proximity.  So I am trying to balance everything taking care of her while taking care of myself.