Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Grieving ???
For the past several weeks I have been for a lack of a better word grieving about my ex wife. I don't want her back, I am not pining about how it could have been, etc. I know the problems of our relationship and know they will never change. It was a defective relationship. So what am I grieving? Or what would be a better name for theses fleeting feelings that come up every once and a while. I am not remembering the good times so this is not sparking it. Can it be that I miss the abuse and problems that were so common place over a 16 year period? Pretty sick concept. Don't have any answers today, but I know they will come at some point. However this has been on my mind for a while and I have not shared it with anybody something I don't like to do. I use to live a life of secrets and it nearly killed me. Never again. My life is an open book to my friends and as long as your okay with any answer that comes out of my mouth you can ask any question.
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3 comments:
Greiving is exactly what's going on.
16 years is a very long time, so it does take time.
I totaly understand everything you are feeling and saying in this entry, true, but not sick.
One day you won't even think about it anymore, :).
Delaine
It's not sick, we get comfortable and settled in the pain. It's like being stuck in the mud, we eventually work out way out, but we still are left with some of it attached to us. Takes a while to shake all that off. And the past comes back and kicks us in the butt every now and then.
"Secrets" we all have them, not all are brave enough to expose them, and when you do, the people left standing with you are true friends. Your right though, they have to be open to hearing "ANY" answer and without judegment.
~ Jenny
I've found, that sometimes, problems, turmoil and generally being in something unhappy.......is something that gives purpose, something to be in the middle of, something to keep us on our toes day in and day out. Without it, when things are normal, that can be almost deflatingly boring. Emotions make us feel alive, whether they are the good ones, or the bad ones. Maybe, just maybe thats why so many of us stay in things that we know damn well aren't healthy, but keep us sparked.
Just musing my own thoughts..........
Rebecca
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