Self-Serving

"When we look at the person we love with the expectation that he or she will or should solve all our emotional problems or make all our worldly dreams come true, we reduce that person to a pawn in our own self-serving plot, seeing the relationship as an experience of 'What can I get?' rather than of 'What can I become?' "

 

A lot of my journey has been with this quote in mind.  I have used many things in my life to fill up what I was lacking.  When I was younger I thought this was how things were.  A love would complete me.  However I would soon find the folly of that belief from both sides.  Like mercury forms the shape of the container it is in my past relationships have been one of manipulation and control.  On one side was me bending over backwards to please so that the other person would be happy and not leave.  While on the other side I made faces and annoyed like a child to get my way.  Looking at it now with a healthier eye I see how I used people as pawns to try and keep my emotional balance since I lacked the skills to do so.  The funny thing is that they were like potato chips.  You just couldn't have one and it didn't last.  It was hard work to keep the balance in a machine that was always hungry.  What a wonderful experience now not to have to rely on people for things that they are not meant to provide.  To be in a way self sufficient of my own emotional balance.